Content of the article: "I decided last night to main a warlock. I have awoken a bitter and angry shell of myself."
After experimenting with a 100 intellect, Chaos reach, Geomags, empowering rift, and Truthteller build, I realized I had found my calling. I couldn't help myself, everything just died in the crucible. I masterworked a set of armor and was looking forward to starting a new week as a Warlock.
But what I didn't expect was waking up with such a negative worldview. It's almost as if a switch was flipped. When I looked at myself in the mirror while dressing, I loudly proclaimed "clothes are not made for my kind!" I couldn't find something suitable, so I walked down to breakfast naked.
My wife, who I had been in love with for the better part of a decade, had just finished cooking. She was perplexed by my appearance, but handed me a plate. I couldn't believe how terrible the the food she had made for me was.
"BUFF this food, I demand it. My friends eat so much better!" I'd never use the word 'buff' outside of the game before, and lord knows no one has used it to describe myself.
Don't even get me started on the sex. For the first few weeks we were dating, it was AMAZING. I was an animal, and there was no limit to my victories in the bedroom. Helmet on or helmet off, it didn't matter….we just kept going, all night. But it inexplicably was all taken from me, and it doesn't seem like it's even worth the time anymore. The magic is gone, and I'm jealous when I hear about so many of my friends crushing it with no problems.
When I tried to talk to my wife at breakfast about how much better my friends sex was, she kind of just stood there for awhile, then said "maybe its not just all about you." She started crying, and I headed out to my car.
From the traffic on the ride to work, to the way my boss now interacts with me, I don't know how life became so suddenly unfair.
I deserve so much more than this. Consequently, I'm going to be airing my grievances everywhere, particularly in places where they're completely unrelated to the subject at hand. Fellow warlock mains, I get it now: we've been handed a raw deal from the moment our ghost woke us up. It's time to rise up, even if we need some medication to help with that.
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