I was accused of being a hitman to murder my Destiny clanmate for his wife.

Content of the article: "I was accused of being a hitman to murder my Destiny clanmate for his wife."

After a work trip to Austin, TX, I was brought in for questioning in regards to "conspiracy to commit murder" on a fellow clanmate. How did this happen you may ask? Buckles up.

Let me start from the beginning, sort of. In 2015, during my first ever run of Vault Of Glass (thanks fireteams), I met darkoh84. Long story short, we ended up becoming great online friends, as us Guardians normally do. We formed a clan and never looked back. (Shout out to clan Poppa Synthesizzles)

In 2019, I was travelling from Edmonton, AB to Austin, TX for work. The opportunity arose for us to actually meet up in person, as darkoh84 lives a few hours away from Austin. I went to my conference, then we met up, hung out, ate some BBQ, drank some dranks, went to a brewery, etc etc.. All in all a great time. Darkoh84 also brought me a gift, along with a letter from his wife.

The gift (along with a coffee mug):

I packed my bag and my gift, and made my way home shortly after. United Airlines, doing as they do, "lost" my luggage. I was sent a text when I landed that my bag will not be landing with me at home, but will arrive sometime in the future. Great. So I filled in the lost luggage form and went home. A couple hours later I get a call from the airport that my bag was sitting in the luggage carousel the whole time and was actually on the plane with me. I had my bag delivered to me that night. In the morning, I discovered that security had opened my bag and searched it, because it was a suspicious abandoned bag. Whatever.

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Fast forward a couple weeks later, when I get a call from the RCMP detachment at the airport, asking me to come in and talk about my "experience" with losing my luggage. Strange, but ok. So I went to the airport and to the RCMP office there. Shortly afterwards, I was brought into an interview room with cameras, the small table, the whole deal. Signed a statement waiving my right to counsel, etc. At this point, I knew I wasn’t there just for simple questions about my lost luggage.

After being asked if I was approached by anyone to carry anything in my luggage and asked what exactly I did while in Austin, the Constable brought out a copy of the letter from darkoh84's wife and slapped it down on the table:

The letter:

Me: Begins laughing hysterically.

RCMP: Not impressed face.

RCMP: "So, we found this in your luggage. Because of this you are being investigated for conspiracy to commit murder."

Me: Laughter immediately dissipates and buttshole puckers.

Me: "Whoa, WHOA. Let me explain."

I proceeded to explain the whole backstory, the constable relaxed, and all was well. After changing my pants and relaxing my sphincter, I immediately messaged darkoh84 (and my wife, of course). Hilarity ensues.

It took a year to get it, but I requested an official report of the whole thing. For those that may call BS on this story, I've included the good pages below and censored the personal information. Peruse for the luls and the Destiny callout.


  • They said they might do a wellness check on darkoh84 and his family, but it never happened.
  • 7 different officers involved in the investigation
  • The fried chicken comment was surprising, as it was never anything I said in the interview. They must've checked my social media and saw my one Austin instagram photo of getting fried chicken at Gus'.
  • Glad to see their checks were negative re: me being a "hitman"
  • It's always nice to name your attachments "NOTE-DO NOT MURDER.pdf"
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So that's my story. Perfect timing for the 6th year of Destiny.

Pay attention to what you put in your luggage Guardians! A harmless joke may not make sense to a stranger rifling through your bag. You may find you won't have time to explain why you don’t have time to explain.

EDIT: Reposting here, since mods at /dtg apparently didnt like my story.


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