Diablo

The return of the three idiots: Vs the minions of destruction (spoilers for Baal and dlc content)

a sequel to This

Last we left our crew of total noobs they were prepping to go to the Dlc and take on the lord of destruction, turns out all they really needed was to run in with actual rune words on their gear and kick some demon butts.

we followed the trend of running through the tundra, breaking catapults, going into the caves, and killing everything until we found out that the barb's cousins were held captive. Naturally we murder-hoboed our way through and sent them back home and got three very specific runes as a reward: Ral Ort and Tal, Finally the druid (me) could start tanking the elements like never before and I almost fell asleep during some fights, and when I wasn't fighting I was combining the purple syrup into bigger dosages, for the final boss.

the barbarian decided that hitting things was good, so He continued to just hit things even harder and faster once we got lucky and found two hand-axes on the same floor with good stats. He also had a habit of Immediately drinking rejuvenation potions as he found them, much to my ire.

As for the necromancer, he finally got to cast his lightning balls and hired a "strapping muscular professional" (his words, not mine) and gave him the septic bastard sword, to top it all off, he started resurrecting the succubae to complete his party. Honestly I think he was enjoying it a little too much

Things go bad

fast forward to the throne room of mr. crabs and we find our objective is to kill everything, simple enough. after the first three waves some nasty casters from another master burned through my hireling and I felt a little naked without Azreal the god-slayer, so I took my concerns to discord:

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Druid: hey, uh, my hireling just died, mind if I quick res him while you handle the next wave?

Necromancer: Sure, just be quick.

After stopping in town I hear yells from my brothers, "AAAH!" "what are these guys!" "Pull back, Pull back!" I get my rear in gear and pop back into the throne room only to find our party being murdered by the Baal special: Minions of destruction, lead by Lister the tormentor.

what followed was far too horrifying for mortal eyes, so I can just say we lost a lot of town portal scrolls, Hirelings, gold, and years off our life, finally retreating and calling it for the week. needless to say, it sucked eggs.

The Plan

To prep for next week's session I poured over the ancient texts (Diablo II wiki) and uncovered their greatest weakness: lightning and magic, also sorcerer cheese, but we were class loyalists, so that wouldn't fly.

from that I spoke with the necromancer and we agreed it would be wise for him to respec his stats into golems and magic, using bonewalls and lightning balls to single out and murder targets. He said that he had his fun with skeletons anyway and was interested in a new strategy other than filling the screen with the bony bois.

I decided it would be best to invest in two loadouts: the ROT shield for 90% of the game and a big kite shield for the Minions, with one-handed weapons for both, pop hurricane, and turn into the werebear to soak even more damage.

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as for the barbarian, he hit things till he leveled up again and boosted his strength some more.

The Return

Finally we prepped and headed back into the dungeon to be greeted by 4 mediocre waves and a near scare when our caster got caught in a fire hydra spell, after that the nasty Baal Bouncer's came in to simp for their master, we gulped, and then ran in the opposite direction.

The next scene looked exactly like the old scooby doo chase scene between the different halls and pulling aggro for each other, a few accidental deaths and we were almost giving up until we saw it: one of the minions had gotten stuck in his path-finding and was separated from the gang.

You better believe we nuked him into oblivion, and what followed was a game of gorilla warfare and sending my tanky druid butt out there to pull one or two minions from the herd and bringing him back to be beaten up just around the corner.

Things were going well until the last two and Lister came at us all at once, not wanting to run anymore we held our ground and started guzzling potions between attacks, and just as we were about to perish, our Barb's mage hireling (from the swamp) froze them solid! and these guys were resistant to freezing! needless to say we gave him a nice helmet as a reward for his efforts, with the minions incapacitated we beat them all senseless and gave a sigh of relief, I handed out my spare super healing Pots and we went into the portal where our six-legged quarry was hiding.

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The grand Finale

for the record, Baal was a complete Joke for us, My ROT shield did 90% of the work and I just sat on my butt pulling aggro while my allies held down mouse 1 and we waited three minutes till he croaked.

With that WE SAVED THE WORLD!!!! (while also picking up a hefty amount of gold in the back of the room for our troubles) and got two amazon-specific weapons and a chestplate with terrible stats, but it didn't matter since we were done! Woohoo!

… but something felt off, and I couldn't place it, it was like some sort of hidden bovine-shaped whole in my heart had yet to be filled….

Till next time guys!

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