Dota 2

Do you hate winning?? Look no further.

Content of the article: "Do you hate winning?? Look no further."

Are you tired of playing games where your team is actually working together and carrying your ass? Ever get sick of being the worst player on your team? Are you undeserving of that 11 win streak that you just got?

Look no further for I offer coaching for all your deranking needs. Sessions come at 1 arcana per hour, and after the session if you follow my advice you are guaranteed to lose at least 73.4% of the games you play.

Some advice of mine would be:

  1. See that double wave approaching your tier 1 and your antimage has 200 hp and 1 tango left? Now is the perfect time to single pull. When your carry inevitably dies to 1 spell and a couple right clicks you can be sure you'll have ample opportunity to ping him and tell him he should've been more careful.
  2. Observe the full hp enemy midlaner. Nows the perfect time for your level 2 ass to dive behind tower and bait in your mid for the double kill. Works everytime. If your midlaner doesn't dive with you, be sure to ping and flame him to tell him he's a pussy. If he dies and you live be sure to tip the enemy midlaner for what a GOD player he is turning that gank around.
  3. Did it just turn night time and your team is smoke ganking? Be sure to lead the charge up the highground into the enemy triangle for maximum networth feed. If running into the triangle with no vision during night time isn't the best way to feed a lead I'm not sure what is!
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I also focus on starting items for veteran players such as:

Boots first 5 role 2 clarities. Let your carry tank all the harass and only come in to snipe the ranged creep. Your mid laner doesnt need 2 tangos. The 2 clarities will be much more value on you.

Midas first midlane. Is your lane complete garbage? Are you getting dumpstered by a huskar AGAIN?? The solution is simple. After you've tactically fed twice in lane against him, be sure to spend the next 9 minutes in the jungle getting your 15 min no boots midas. After all, if you're team can't make space for you to farm for 40 minutes to be same networth as their 3 role, then they don't deserve to win at all.

Alright and lastly a lot of you struggle during the drafting phase so here's some points I'd like to address:

  1. Never pick a stun. Ever. Picking stuns means you can counterplay. You never want your team to have the opportunity to counterplay.
  2. Pick the greediest hero for your role when you're out of role queues. Oh you're position 4 this game and out of role queues? Jungle alchemist. Got offlane this time? Go terrorblade.
  3. Did you get mid lane this game? Pick as unconventional a hero as possible or just straight up grief the game with pudge or techies mid.
  4. Carry this time? Nows as good a time as ever to try out that wyvern carry build you saw d2bowie talking about 3 patches ago.

But the most important thing I want to drill into you guys is the importance of attitude. Your attitude is everything. Whenever someone misses a kill or fucks up be sure to flame them relentlessly. Whoever has the worst KDA on the team be sure to ping their items and the time randomly throughout the match.

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Be as passive aggressive as possible the entire game. Some good examples are:

"Let me guess nobody got any bounties again"

"I can already see what type of game THIS is gonna be"

"Oh great another (insert race) player on my team, just great."

When someone dies: "How didn't you guys see that coming?"

When you die: "Why is nobody calling missing?" A good alternative is "Why didn't anyone tp!!??"

When someone dies because you didn't call missing: "Why weren't you guys watching your minimap?"

And so much more. Add me on steam for more info! Look forward to working with all you 9k redditors! Let's lose some games!


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