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AITA for not allowing a player to be a Variant Human with Bladesinger?

Content of the article: "AITA for not allowing a player to be a Variant Human with Bladesinger?"

Edit: TLDR added at bottom.

Hey! I posted here about 6 months ago as a new DM with some questions about a player. Since then, I’ve DM’d tons of campaigns and I think I’ve become a pretty awesome DM, in my opinion. But I still have some things to learn, and I have yet another problematic player.

A few days ago, a player (lets call him J) messaged my friend (let’s call him B) and asked if B saw any issue with the “Elf Only” restriction being lifted on Bladesinger. B talked to me about it, and I thought it would be okay, but there may be a need for me to put restrictions in other areas to keep it fair. So, it would depend on what J wanted to use it with. Since J often plays as a Variant Human, I said that he could choose between being a Variant Human, or being a human with Bladesinger, but that I wouldn’t allow him to be both as I thought it would be unfair. I figured this would be okay, since it seemed fair to me, and B agreed that he thought that sounded alright.

B messaged J back and told him what we thought, and J instantly went off. He said “Jokes on her, I would never agree to that” and “she’s basically punishing me for liking humans”. B replied to J saying that me allowing him to be both a Variant Human and have Bladesinger would be essentially allowing two race bonuses, and wouldn’t be fair to the other players.

J continued to argue it, saying that since the text says Bladesinger is only restricted by lore, that I should just allow him to have it and use it as he chooses. B and I both continued to stand our ground, saying that it was unfair, and that it is ultimately up to me in the end.

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J was very upset. He claimed that I never let him do anything he wants, and that he’s “just trying to have fun”. J went on to get very hostile and say that I’m “too OCD to be a DM” and that my stories are shitty and boring anyway, even including “fck off” and “fck her”. The rest of the group decided to vote J out for being so hostile about not getting a trait, and for saying such rude things about me and my DMing.

Since we already got rid of J, I’ve tried to just shake it off and write him off as a power-hungry, rude player. But I can’t help but wondering if my ruling was right, or if I was the one being an asshole. What do you guys think?

Additionally, J said that he didn’t want to be over-powered, he just didn’t want to play an elf. But I’m wondering, if his only issue with Bladesinger being Elf-restricted is that he doesn’t want to play an elf, then why would he get so angry and hostile when I said I wouldn’t allow him to be a Variant Human? Was he actually trying to be over-powered? Or am I just reading too much into it?

Thank you for any and all advice! No matter what is ruled, we won’t be allowing J back (due to his very rude reaction), but I would be really interested in learning if I was fair as a DM or not.

TL;DR: A player (J) asked me to lift the Elf-Only restriction on Bladesinger. I said that I’m open to it, but, depending on what he wanted to use it for, some other restrictions may have to be put in place to keep things fair. I told J that I would not allow him to be both a Variant Human and have Bladesinger, as I thought it would be unfair. J got extremely mad, was very indignant and would not accept my ruling, and went so far as to personally insult me and my DMing. He was voted out of the group unanimously. However, I’m still left wondering if my ruling was unfair, or if J just wanted to be over-powered?

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Source: reddit.com

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