Be me, Succubus.
I always play succubus, basically a bard but need souls to live, get souls from seducing thing. Souls have various effects, all of which DM decides. Pretty cool.
My character has always been the same, but haven’t really had any lore behind them.
Also in party: Mute Goblin, A bloodthirsty Barbarian, and a Thief.
DM states that “for story reasons,” I can’t attend the first game. I’m fine I’m with it.
Next game I join, and apparently it’s a solo journey that everyone gets to watch me play.
Wtf this is new to me.
Basically my party made a deal with the devil for the “ability to turn shit into gold”
FYI literally shit. As in poop.
I sigh and take the “portal rune” they bought, and head to hell.
Walk through the gates, nothing special, need to head to throne room.
Try to fly but wings don’t work in hell because of “recent zoning regulations.”
Challenge 1: Convince a demon to give me a ticket into the castle.
Decide to seduce first demon I see, roll for it, get a 2.
I trip onto demon and knock him over, into a lava spire. He fucking burns to death.
Apparently this is good and I get invited as a demon’s plus one to the throne room.
Challenge 2: Actually getting into the Throne Room
Need to pay a soul to open the gate, because tickets aren’t enough.
Check my soul bag, have x2 Llama souls, x1 Barbarian soul, that’s it.
They take my Barbarian soul and then let me through, silently judging me for seducing two seperate llamas.
Go through gate and have to beat a super powerful demon to pass into the final room.
My Succubus is not made for combat, pretty much fucked.
Gonna need to out-of-the-box this shit.
Throw my new Demon friend into giant horned maul beast.
He eats it.
Roll, 15 on a D20. Gives Maul Demon food poisoning, he is given a free pass home and I continue.
Final Challenge: Undealing with the Devil.
See Devil on throne, walk up.
Entire party who are spectating, including DM, are confused as fuck.
I’ve never actually mentioned any back story whatsoever.
DM laughs and goes with it.
Satan: ”Heeeey, Honey! You never call!”
Me: “Well, you know, duty calls!”
Satan: “Yea yea…”
Me: “Any chance I could reverse a deal?”
Satan: “Uhh… yea Sweetie… I missed you you know.”
Me: “I need the deal about the shit.”
Satan: “Yea, I… I know.”
Satan then bursts into tears mumbling how he’s missed me and been so lonely since “Mrs. Satan” died.
I have no idea what to do so I decide, fuck it.
Throw down both Llama souls as distraction, grab a ton of contracts, and teleport to mortal realm.
Burn all contracts immediately.
Massive amount of kingdoms around the country have fallen, due to kings loosing massive amounts of power and fortune.
Spires from hell have broken the surface, all in the shape of llama heads.
Goblin is pissed that he can’t turn his shit into gold and has proceeded to store his crap in my tent.
Barbarian does this also but he did that anyway.
Never go to hell again.
- Question as a Player and aspiring DM
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