>Be me, kobold GWF samurai from past kobold stories (no I can't be arsed linking them just search "A kobold story in this sub)
>Be me, rest of party from that group (Vuman monk, Goblin rogue (DMPC), Goliath Barb, Dragonborn Cleric, Triton druid + assorted NPCS)
>Be just hitting level 4
>Decide to go with alert feat for a total initiative of +9
>the fuck you surprise aspect also is nice
>Having just cleared this area we head upto a part we haven't explored yet, find bandits and giant ants, one tunnels away and we kill the other along with the bandits.
>personally get glory kill on one that talked about eating kobolds With a leaping thrust
>Loot a heavy crossbow off the bandit's leader
>Keep heading in and exploring
>Find a stream and see footprints on the other side
>Tie my grappling hook around my waist and tell goliath barb to yank me out the water if I fall in
>He just about understands the plan
>Try to jump over (and fail)
>Try again (and fail again)
>Barb gets idea
>Swings me around like a fucking rope dart and yeets me across
>Make it somehow unscathed
>Place feels really chilly
>hear an evil spooky laugh after I fail a WIS save
>Freak out and ask the party to pull me back over which after some fun RP they do
>Inform party of what I felt / saw
>Move on for now, find the rest of the giant ants + queen
>Ride Barb like a mount as he tanks the damage (including 4d10 poision from a sting)
>Come out on top the round he goes down
>Heal up and head into nearby room the ants seemed to be protecting
>Find a still pool of water
>Look into pool and see "a round thing"
>Poke it with my pike
>Water turns red
>Triton druid hops in
>Sees a fuckload of ant eggs
>NPC fighter dips her hands into the water as triton druid gets out and burning hands the pool
>Goblin rogue then then throws 'kraggle rocks' in
>All agree this place is cleared, head out and take the remains we found too the church
>Find out the bishop there is a cunt, sheers at us for being 'commoners' and takes the dead people's stuff as payment for doing his fucking job (which he as far as we can tell gets paid too do anyway)
>NPCs talk about all the nobles in this area are cunts except the cleric who came with us (he's an absolute bro)
>Head to rest house and find our other human character dipped, leaving behind 100GP and a magic(?) sword with a letter saying "do anything but sell it" as well as paying for a potion too fix our Goblin rogue's eye properly
>Rest up, everyone rolls wisdom checks and I get a nat 20
>See a brief inbetween from my backstory of an orc with a mohawk slaughtering my kin
>Add this as of yet un-named figure to my "kill / genocide list"
>Realised I gave the NPC druid PTSD from that time her 'bunk mates' came out to talk
>Head back into the sewers again to finishing of the 3rd and final section
>NPC cleric and fighter come with us too
>Enter first new room, corpses all over the area and what appear to be draconic remains with webs everywhere
>Cleric approaches on to pray for them
>The fucker animates and we've got two skeletal drakes
>Engage and get a pretty good initiative
>Trition druid wildshapes into a giant spider to take advantage of the webs
>The kobolds from earlier, they come at us and kinda distract the the skeletal drakes
>Manage to down / kill most of them before dealing with the drakes
>One drake is up in the northern areas of the room, one in the west. Me and the druid are dealing with the one in the west
>It decides to use it's bone shard breath weapon
>I nat 1 the dex save
>3/4 of my HP gone
>Fortunately the rest of the party clean up all except one kobold
>Decide to test out my new heavy crossbow
>Line up the shot at this kobold twat
>With the 'done with this shit' aggression of a tired ultramarine say "FUCK OFF." fire and kill him.
>NPC cleric prayer of healing's us and we short rest too end the session
>Next session comes along and we continue north, finding an undead or two
>Get an idea to sneak up on them
>One enters my FOV while I'm riding the barb
>Rely an idea too him that we can do
>Have him throw me at the undead I see
>Rest of party get a different POV and see a giant minotaur skelly waiting around the corner
>Fuck it, It'll be funny
>Get yeeted, barb gets a nat 20 which transfers to me for my attack, OHKO'ing the undead I was aimed at
>I then see the boss, his 4 minions, and his 'ogre zombie'
>Fun fact: Ogre zombies are a homebrew creation of our DM that have CLASS FEATURES
>Initiative is rolled, I get pretty good rolls but minotaur goes first
>Slaps me with a great axe for about 10 damage
>Me next, attack in back for around 12 damage back
>Bosses turn, commands his undead too attack us and casts hold person on the barb who nat 1s his save (even if he breaks out he's stunned for 1 turn)
>DM hints and future plans by having me see the command go into the zombies heads literally
>Ogre zombie's turn, rushes me with a great axe, misses
>IT FUCKING ACTION SURGES
>hits me for 14 damage
>I am at half health.
>Not gonna second wind though
>Action, attack ogre zombie too get him damaged, hit for 11-ish
>Action surge, fighting spirit to give myself advantage
>Whip out heavy crossbow and snipe the boss to break his concentration on the spell
>Hit him for 4 total (8 halfed due to resistance)
>Enough to break his concentration though
>Cleric snipes the boss with a guiding bolt and does enough damage with a crit too kill him
>Undead become even more retarded
>Monk fucks up the mino skelly (vulnerable to bludgeoning damage)
>Party form up and clean out the mooks while me and the now free barb work on the big guy.
>Manage to bring him down after 2 rounds of wailing on him. Start looting as you do.
>Find a sword I can just tell is magic because 'subtle foreshadowing' as well as another one of BIG DARK ORBS
>Be very happy with myself while the party find the skull of the boss, still somehow alive
>Interrogate and threaten to have our goliath barb teabag him until he agrees to give us all the intel he can
>Find out he's called a 'deathlock'
>Find out he has a master and he's been cursed to not be able to remember his master's name
>Find out that his master is a male dragonborn
>Find out this guy was the weakest one and got bullied for it.
>Agree to keep him if he stays useful
>Pocket him and end the session
- I don’t think those are grenades… , A kobold story
- It’s over zombie horde! I have the high ground! A kobold story.
- Another kobold story
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