Dungeons & Dragons Online

Collective Intelligence

Content of the article: "Collective Intelligence"

**Disclaimer, my common is terrible. Draconic is my learned language. Apologies for any poor grammar and spelling.


New 5e game, same 5e crew (+1)

Introductions come at a council meeting

PC’s are all gathered amongst concerned NPC’s

Discussions involve what to do about the ‘old haunted house’ outside of town

Strange noises and the whole works

spoOoOooky.jpg

PC’s volunteer one by one to go check it out

Enterstageright

Sorcerer, Paladin, Fighter (Archer), Rogue, and Druid (yours truly)

Four hour journey to the ‘haunted house’


Group starts swapping stories and casual character introductions

Somewhere along the way I purposely misuse the word “paranoid” in place of "paranormal”.

Flexingmysixintelligence

The Paladin seems to catch on to my end game and corrects me, “I think you mean parallel.”

Ohnoyoudumpedintellencetoo

Then Sorcerer speaks up “No, I think she meant paramor..”

Ohfuckwereallidiots

Lines of babbling dialogue later, the Rogue and Fighter speak up and agree that the word we're looking for is, in fact, “paranormal”

Thankthegodswehavetwobraincells

Party continues on to explore the haunted house

Decrepit and unused, basically condemned

gofigure

notice a well out front

of course it MUST be a wishing well

rest of the party prepares to loot it

softly argue that they shouldn't take people's wishes

spoke too softly – protests go unheeded

welp.jpg

party begins to enter the well

hhhhhiiiissssss

weird…that sounds like a snake

ohdicks

Rogue and Fighter both one shot snakes

abigdealatlevelthree

celebrate by knocking down the front door of the haunted house


not as dusty as we thought

find some footprints that lead to somewhere…

“WELCOME FOOLS, WELCOME TO YOUR DEATH”

Whoops… Rogue didn’t see the trap tile there

phewimnottherogueanymore

a tile moves to cover the hatch we came down

doubledicks

then nothing…

oh well, keep exploring – more rooms with more spooks

Eventually find the kitchen

there is fresh food, specifically fresh ham

huhthatsodd

Druid gal isn’t shy about the meats though

timetocapitalize

steal most of the ham before I’m joined by the Pally

KITCHENRAID

Idiots love their food

after clearing the kitchen we head into the basement we’ve been avoiding


find a suspiciously large room with 10+ beds and no people

nothingwierdhere

also find some books lying around

ofcourseIcantread

but maybe taking some green covered books would be good, green is good

find another room with food

TWO MORE HAMS

quicklybecomingthebestdayever

Paladin hears a door off to the side open

turns to me “Did you open that?”

Answered immediately by the sounds of crossbows plinking

ohshit

door fully swings open to reveal a small platoon of pirates

retreat!.mp3

fall back to group up with the rest of our party

thereisatleastsevenbaddiesinthissuspiciouslylargeroom

Our squishy's quickly become pin cushions and our Fighter can't seem to hit anything

fallback!.wav

retreat through the basement back the way we came

pirates are right behind us

I’m the second to last up the ladder and we start to close the hatch

idealoading…

Wild shape into a large size lizard boi

perksoflivingwiththelizards

To the DM, “I’m going to sit on top of the hatch.”

™DM Chuckle “Okay, you manage to block a couple of them from coming up. But one of them rolls well enough to lift you up and get himself out into the room.”

awdamn


a couples round later, the Fighter decided to wait in the hall for me

more pirates have made it past my large ass

damnbroyoulift?

Fighter is taking potshots from down the hall

Somehowmissingeasytargets

accidentally move from the hatch while trying to do another murder

arrrtherebetoomanypiratesnow

need to make a run for it

get bippityboppped out of lizard form

notdeadyet

took too much damage, decide to dash instead of wild shape again

mistakeshavebeenmade

suddenly realize I won't make it all the way through the hallway to safety

Heheimindanger.jpg

Snide magic pirate winds up for the shot

anditsgooooodd

Fighter watches me take an firebolt to the back and collapse

decides to save me despite the large and increasing number of oncoming enemies

myhero.png

We make a hurried retreat as the Fighter and Sorcerer cover the hall

Just outside the front door the rest of our party waits

Sorcerer and co have managed to heal up and gather our horses in the meantime


Heywaitaminute

We might be able to win this…

The troops rally as we press our luck against the four remaining pirates

Paladin suddenly has an idea

announces that he’d like to direct his horse INTO the building to continue the reverse-slaughter

™DMlaughter

Both the Paladin and Rogue advance to begin breaking kneecaps

party discusses leaving one alive for questions

decide it’s a good idea to keep the biggest bad or possibly a lacky

Crew finishes off minor baddies in a couple rounds

Rogue moves to the biggest baddie and last man standing

“I direct my horse to kick him right in the head, that fucker almost killed me”

stunnedsilence.jpg

but m8 we just…

silentprayersthathewontdie

prayersgounanswered..

BB collapses very ded, had almost negative hit points left

definitelynegativenow

unanimously decided that the Rogue's brain cell has been revoked

Fighter declared to have the only brain cell in our party

stunned silence gradually changes to celebration

turnsoutwewerealmostdeadanyway

Begin looting, healing…again…and heading back home

Come to find out, our Fighter is a multiclass

Shock.jpg

Fighter is actually Wizard/Fighter

thisexplainsyourshitaimm8

but also

this explains where the brain cell went

Source: reddit.com

Read:  A civil war that's retroactively a bit too on the nose.

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