Dungeons & Dragons Online

Collective Intelligence

Content of the article: "Collective Intelligence"

**Disclaimer, my common is terrible. Draconic is my learned language. Apologies for any poor grammar and spelling.

New 5e game, same 5e crew (+1)

Introductions come at a council meeting

PC’s are all gathered amongst concerned NPC’s

Discussions involve what to do about the ‘old haunted house’ outside of town

Strange noises and the whole works


PC’s volunteer one by one to go check it out


Sorcerer, Paladin, Fighter (Archer), Rogue, and Druid (yours truly)

Four hour journey to the ‘haunted house’

Group starts swapping stories and casual character introductions

Somewhere along the way I purposely misuse the word “paranoid” in place of "paranormal”.


The Paladin seems to catch on to my end game and corrects me, “I think you mean parallel.”


Then Sorcerer speaks up “No, I think she meant paramor..”


Lines of babbling dialogue later, the Rogue and Fighter speak up and agree that the word we're looking for is, in fact, “paranormal”


Party continues on to explore the haunted house

Decrepit and unused, basically condemned


notice a well out front

of course it MUST be a wishing well

rest of the party prepares to loot it

softly argue that they shouldn't take people's wishes

spoke too softly – protests go unheeded


party begins to enter the well


weird…that sounds like a snake


Rogue and Fighter both one shot snakes


celebrate by knocking down the front door of the haunted house

not as dusty as we thought

find some footprints that lead to somewhere…


Whoops… Rogue didn’t see the trap tile there


a tile moves to cover the hatch we came down


then nothing…

oh well, keep exploring – more rooms with more spooks

Eventually find the kitchen

there is fresh food, specifically fresh ham


Druid gal isn’t shy about the meats though


steal most of the ham before I’m joined by the Pally


Idiots love their food

after clearing the kitchen we head into the basement we’ve been avoiding

find a suspiciously large room with 10+ beds and no people


also find some books lying around


but maybe taking some green covered books would be good, green is good

find another room with food



Paladin hears a door off to the side open

turns to me “Did you open that?”

Answered immediately by the sounds of crossbows plinking


door fully swings open to reveal a small platoon of pirates


fall back to group up with the rest of our party


Our squishy's quickly become pin cushions and our Fighter can't seem to hit anything


retreat through the basement back the way we came

pirates are right behind us

I’m the second to last up the ladder and we start to close the hatch


Wild shape into a large size lizard boi


To the DM, “I’m going to sit on top of the hatch.”

™DM Chuckle “Okay, you manage to block a couple of them from coming up. But one of them rolls well enough to lift you up and get himself out into the room.”


a couples round later, the Fighter decided to wait in the hall for me

more pirates have made it past my large ass


Fighter is taking potshots from down the hall


accidentally move from the hatch while trying to do another murder


need to make a run for it

get bippityboppped out of lizard form


took too much damage, decide to dash instead of wild shape again


suddenly realize I won't make it all the way through the hallway to safety


Snide magic pirate winds up for the shot


Fighter watches me take an firebolt to the back and collapse

decides to save me despite the large and increasing number of oncoming enemies


We make a hurried retreat as the Fighter and Sorcerer cover the hall

Just outside the front door the rest of our party waits

Sorcerer and co have managed to heal up and gather our horses in the meantime


We might be able to win this…

The troops rally as we press our luck against the four remaining pirates

Paladin suddenly has an idea

announces that he’d like to direct his horse INTO the building to continue the reverse-slaughter


Both the Paladin and Rogue advance to begin breaking kneecaps

party discusses leaving one alive for questions

decide it’s a good idea to keep the biggest bad or possibly a lacky

Crew finishes off minor baddies in a couple rounds

Rogue moves to the biggest baddie and last man standing

“I direct my horse to kick him right in the head, that fucker almost killed me”


but m8 we just…



BB collapses very ded, had almost negative hit points left


unanimously decided that the Rogue's brain cell has been revoked

Fighter declared to have the only brain cell in our party

stunned silence gradually changes to celebration


Begin looting, healing…again…and heading back home

Come to find out, our Fighter is a multiclass


Fighter is actually Wizard/Fighter


but also

this explains where the brain cell went

Source: reddit.com

Read:  A civil war that's retroactively a bit too on the nose.

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