Pathfinder 2E One Shot with my usual group after a few of us got a hankerin’ to play. 4 PCs total, level 5. Very much a non-serious session.
Be me, orc fighter named Chef Gonk, primary motivation is acquiring new spices and recipes.
Be not me, Dov Ahkiin; Human dragon-instinct barbarian.
Dov Ahkiin is dead-ass silent, exhibits all the behaviors of your typical Skyrim meme- stands perfectly still for 4 days on the boat into town, backpack full of cheese wheels, etc. It’s pretty funny when we RP it out.
show up in town, go to Pathfinder Society safehouse, learn there’s an underground fighting ring in town with residents going missing, we have been tasked to infiltrate and investigate.
Meet up with our contact who is one of the group running the show, get informed we’re being entered in the fighting tournaments.
well, guess we’ve got the infiltrate part covered.
Show up to some courtyard, told our opponents are waiting for us, have fun.
wander into the courtyard, see a couple of regular-ass townsfolk with things like shovels, etc. Clearly not trained fighters.
Initiative rolled, Dov rolls decently high.
Dov unsheaths his weapon.
It’s a goddamn full sized cheese wheel.
Party starts laughing, joking about what damage it might do.
GM utters the now infamous line “"I am going to rule that a wheel of cheese does D8 damage.”
Dov rages, moves into range, and attacks the closest opponent.
Rolls a fucking crit on his attack roll.
Party is now howling laughing
Damage gets rolled
Dov lands a fucking 36 damage critical hit with a cheese wheel.
Sides are launched into orbit at this point.
Kills villager instantly, cheese wheel explodes.
Chef Gonk grabs a hunk of cheese out of mid-air.
Combat continues with us wiping the floor with these poor bastards, about as one sided as you expect.
Our monk goes full on Rick James and slaps one of them into next week at one point.
Opponents are either dead or KO’d, get our winnings.
Informed there’s another match for us, against more experienced opponents.
Hell yeah, let’s go.
Come to a sketchy-ass bridge with a few structures around it
Mysterious figure in the mist.
Dov begins his battle preparations.
AKA unsheathing another cheese wheel.
Immediately charges at the misty figure and promptly gets snagged in a bear trap.
Chef Gonk wanders over and pries him out of it as more combatants pop out of the shadows.
Dov does not care.
Dov has a target.
Dov has a wheel of cheese.
Dov know nothing but slaughter.
Dov charges the hooded figure again.
Rolls to attack.
Dov rolls a nat 20.
Dov swings the cheese as hard as he can right into the hooded figure’s chest.
Dov lands another 36 damage crit with a wheel of cheese.
Cheese explodes on impact as we hear the target’s ribcage implode.
Dov has now rolled 2 attacks with a wheel of cheese, has crit on both attacks, and instantly killed his targets on both rolls.
Dov celebrates his victory by unhinging his jaw and eating a third wheel of cheese in one bite.
All hail the power of the cheese.
- Am I the dick for making this encounter?
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