Dungeons & Dragons Online

Greatest boxing match of all time

Be me-level 3 Wood Elf Noble Ranger

Be Regular Party- Human Wizard, Aasimar Warlock, Halfling Rogue, and a few others can’t remember

Be extra players for that session-someone’s sister and my brother-one’s a cleric, the other’s a druid

Character backstory-he’s from one of the noble houses but got disowned because he fell in love with the heir of a rival house, but it got lost in translation so everyone thinks he tried to fuck a horse

Playing Dragon Heist

In waterdeep, there’s a fall festival happening

The market is bustling with people and festivities and joy

Party hears about a boxing tournament for the festival

Horse boy(me) hears about it and wants in.

Horse boy has 12 strength.

Things happen and eventually the tournament rolls around

Horse boy sees his family in the stands looking anywhere except at him

Horse boy and 2 others have joined the tourney

Horse boy beats former guard in round one, not that bad.

My brother (war cleric) beats vagabond in round one, almost dies because he can’t use his spiritual weapon

I meet brother in round two. He’s looking worse for wear so he falls on purpose after one hit

I have to fight reigning champion for round 3

I’m down to 25hp at this point

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Reigning champion is a FUCKING OGRE

I decide to go balls deep and roll SoH to cast hunters mark as to not get caught cheating.

Pass by the seat of my pants

Start punching this ogre doing 1d6 plus 1 while he’s rolling 1d8+4

Get the shit beat out of me.

SoH is my savior, roll to cast healing word and cure wounds

My brother (cleric) and aasimar’s sister start casting healing word on me as well

I’m doing so little damage that eventually hunters mark wears off

I haven’t been upwards of 15 hp in three rounds, despite 3 healers doing their best

I’m out of spell slots after I SoH cast hunter’s mark

I punch ogre in face, the extra force from HM knocks some teeth out

Ogre literally picks me up and throws me across arena

It doesn’t look good

Horse Boy can barely stand up, much less throw a punch

Brother casts healing word one last time, gets caught and thrown out of arena

Fight is almost called but since it’s almost over the officials let it slide

Ogre runs at Horse Boy, about to body slam him into the arena wall

Horse boy just puts his fist out, can’t even throw the punch

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Ogre trips on his belly fat and slams his face into my fist

I win the match

The party goes nuts, the store owner gets upset at the ten person table being louder than eagles fans after their super bowl win

Feels like the moment from the movie rudy where everyone’s chanting “Rudy, Rudy, Rudy” but it’s “HORSE BOY, HORSE BOY”

Two sessions later I decide to change characters because horse boy is getting boring

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