Content of the article: "How bad could a PC’s solo adventure get?"
> Be me, DM. Be not me Changling Bard, Aasimar Druid, Kitsune Rouge
> City leader has rumors of the homeless disappearing.
> City just survived an army attacking from within, guards spread thin
> Given lead to speak to a bakery owner
> Party goes Sherlock Homes, find lead that the homeless are being ‘Rescued’ by the church paladins
> Rouge suggests a nighttime sting operation, send in the Bard and Druid and see if the paladins bite
> Bard has old sailor clothes from washing up on the beach, thinks perfect attire. Leaves armor behind in their room and turns into an old female crewmate
> Bard and Druid go in, Paladin uninterested in Druid but likes the Bard
> “Do you not want a better life my dear? Come be cleansed of your sins”
> Bard agrees and takes his hand
> Bard immediately disappears from Druids sight despite walking directly passed them
> Outside Rogue rolls a Nat20 on Perception
> Rogue now locked in a staring contest with a cart that does not want to be seen (Perception filter)
> Druid runs outside still not seeing Bard, Rogue does not see the bard
> Cart has no horse or driver, door opens by itself Bard climbs in and the cart begins riding to the Cathedral by itself
> Druid transforms into a horse, Rogue “Follow that buggy!”
> Cart eventually passes a barrier that spooks the Druid and Rogue, “Goodbye Bard, we hardly knew ye.”
> Bard is then ushered inside by the nuns who are dead eyed but smiling
> Inside the Eternal Flame is doused and Heretical Artwork is depicted
> Bard is then taken higher into the cathedral and asked to change into a white robe
> “I need to use the bathroom!”
> Nuns hand the Bard to two paladins who escort and then follow them into the restroom
> Paladins talking to one another, “What does it matter if we have a little taste before the ceremony?”
> Que vampire fangs and bathroom scuffle
> Bard puts one paladin to sleep and burns the other paladin to death in their armor as they sink their fangs in
> Bard looks at the still sleeping Vampaladin
> Shapeshifts and dresses to look like now dead Vampire paladin and pretend to have also been put to sleep
> Both ‘wake up’ at the same time
> Bard: “B*tch knocked me out, must have got away.”
> Vamp: “Well then we look for her stupid.” Sniffs the air, “She is still close, I have the scent.”
> Bard is still sweating bullets
> Me the DM is sweating bullets
> Vampire and Bard-Vampire now go thru the hall to find…the Bard
> Bard sees that the window drops 120ft to the roof of the sermon hall
> Bard makes a STR check to smash window, only manages to break halfway
> Vampire, “What the hell are you doing?”
> Bard, “Nothing.” Proceeds to break the rest of the glass and leap out
> Feather Fall Bitches, Bard flips the paladin the double bird as they fail to grab their leg
> Bard lands quickly but safely on the roof of the Sermon Hall with a *Thud*
> Gargoyle statues turn in unison to look directly at the “Paladin”
> Que mad dash off the roof of the Sermon Hall and thru the gates of the Cathedral
> Escape is painful but possible since gargoyles are more concerned with tormenting their prey as opposed to killing them
> Party on the other side of the barrier seeing none of this. They only see the very large and empty courtyard
> Bard turns at the last moment of their dash to see the Bishop of the church with an army of vampire spawn behind them grin as he gives the signal to give chase
> Bard bursts thru the barrier to the absolute shock of their party
> Bard, “We need to go.” Then sprints away
> Party then scrambles to the safety of the Guild Hall, vampire can’t get in without an invite. Session ends there
> Bard, “The Church is bad. Too many vampires.”
So this was one of the best moments to happen at my table. Even the Bard thought they weren’t making it out of the church alive.
- I gave a CR 21 encounter to a level 4 party, and everyone lived
- That time the druid kicked a T-Rex to death (mild spoilers for Tomb of Annihilation)
- How I made the “Shave and a hair cut two pence” tune into something sad.
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