>be me high elf artificier named robert j. handgun that used to be a politician but after assasinating another politician had to run away from his own country be not me warforged fighter that was a bro
>dm decides we should get session 0's
>our session 0 starts in this harbor city
>robert see's big metal dude walking around town:"what a beautiful work of art tell me who is your maker"
>warforged fighter: "i have non im from an older times and last of my unit's"
>robert:"interesting may i pull you apart and see how your insides work"
>robert:"well then ill just have to wait till you shut down"
>all tough i was serious dm and the player thought it was me making a joke
>robert:"well my metal friend why dont we go get a drink and you can tell me your story"
>while on our way to nearest tavern
>dm:"there is some kobold's cousing trouble"
>robert who is racist to kobold's:"hold it there leave the nice people of this city alone"
>kobold throws stone 1 dmg
>get first turn
>point my cane at the kobold:"you and your whole tribe will pay for that" end of the cane opens and a bullet like fast projectile flies (firebolt)
>hit and kill the kobold
>turn to the other kobolds:"YOU ARE NEXT!"
>kobolds clearly scared try to run away with the stuff they stole while throwing more stone at us
>every turn end the same with us just destroying the kobolds
>after the battle guard comes up to us:"thank you adventurers if you werent here there could've been casualties"
>apearently these kobold fucks manage to sneak into the city and steal or kill whenever they want bc the guards are bad at their job
>guard:"there is a big bounty on them you know their tribe doesnt life far away from here too"
>dm clearly wants us to go murders these shits and robert cant be happier to destroy the shit out of some kobolds
>turn to warforged fighter:"what do you say my warforged friend in the mood for some kobold's?"
>we get to the hide out they are in wich is on the side of a mountain
>i wanna roll to see if there is any backdoors they can escape from dm:"ok roll perception"
>nat fucking 20 baby
>dm:"there is a hole in the ground about 60 ft away that maybe connects to the hideout"
>plan our attack wich is basicly warforged fighter bro would make a campfire in the entrance of the hideout while this is happening i will be on the other entrance and both of us will kill whatever comes out
>robert: "ok friend good hunting to both of us i guess" and start walking towards the whole
>realise if i close this entrance i can just go back and help him out on his end
>me ooc:"hey dm is there anything big enough to close this entrance?"
>get a 19 . DM:"you see a rock big enough yes but you arent strong enough to move it"
>me ooc:" can i use catapult to movei t"
>DM:"sure why not"
>close the exit and go to my friend who is lighting up the campfire
>robert:"i closed that exit if they are coming its from here or another exit door they have but if we be on look out for smoke we can see their exit"
>warforged fighter agrees and lights up the fire then gets ready
>mfw nothing comes out for 2 hours
>realise dm didnt think of us doing this and throws us some random shit to fight
>destroy em pretty easily
>robert:"lets wait for another another hour then destroy the campfire"
>we do so and after letting it air out we enter
>Dm describing what we see:"you see allot of dead bodies maybe in the 100's that tried to escape from the exit that you closed and there is allot of claw marks on the stone you used to close the entrance"
>us who didnt realise what we did yet:"ok cool we will check the bodies and see what we can find"
>find some ehh shit + some item related to the mainstory
>after getting out warforged bro starts laughing and ooc says:"i like how the racist politician did a fucking holocaust in session 0"
>realization kicks in. mfw i just gassed a bunch of kobolds
>go back to the city and collect our bounty then end the session by rp'ing
so what war crimes have your characters commited bros
- Crappy DM or Stupid Players
- “It’s what my character would do” with a twist
- First time DM: my players avoided all my shenanigans and it felt awesome
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