Content of the article: "How our sneaky dwarf stealing a hat turned into our cleric being dragged to jail"
> Be me, dwarf barbaladin
> Be not me: gnome gravity wizard/moon cleric, elf beastmaster ranger, human storm cleric, tiny lizardfolk barbarian, and dwarf fighter/sneaky rogue
> Arrive at town to board a ship we hired
> Go to meet captain at tavern
> Go in, find captain playing dice
> Introductions and whatnot
> Sneaky dwarf asks to wear the captain's hat (he likes hats)
> "No, boy, you have to earn this. Get your own"
> Another captain on a table, leading his crew in song
> Creeps up, steals hat, immediately invisible thanks to Ring of Invisibility
> Captain is pissed
> "Where's my fucking hat?"
> Wizard tries to minor illusion hat back, no luck
> "Captain, a dwarf stole your hat!"
> "There's a dwarf right there!"
> Except it's me
> Eight men rush me, "Give us the hat back!"
> Tell our new captain to watch this
> Enter rage, square up for fisticuffs
> Sneaky dwarf trips a few of them while invisible
> Blows exchanged
> Whole bar erupts into huge brawl
> Sailors throwing bottles and chairs, people falling over, glorious combat
> Lizardfolk gets elbowed in the face
> Bites a chunk out of the guy's arm in return
> Big ol' Goliath falls on the wizard
> "Get off me, gnome"
> Throws him into the bar
> Wizard gets up, punches Goliath in the bollocks
> I knock a sailor out cold
> Tyson-esque in his performance, Joe
> Bar bitch slaps elf ranger
> Gets dropped in return
> Cleric receives a mighty shove, fails Dex save
> Flipped over the bar into broken glass
> Hops up and gives the lad some lightning
> Sneaky dwarf finds the captain
> Captain's loving it
> "I haven't had this much fun in weeks!"
> Lizardfolk gets chair swung at him
> Scales his adversary
> Tail 'round the neck, beating on his head
> Wizard is lifted by the neck by Goliath
> Sends Goliath and several other people flying across bar
> "Come at me you little bitch!"
> That's my best friend right there
> Grab a fucker and dip him on his head
> Maybe broken neck
> Plant foot on his body and roar my victory
> Bar bitch swings a bottle at the ranger
> Sics panther on the bitch
> Pounce from the bar and mauls the bitch
> Two guys try to grab the cleric
> Channel divinity for max damage
> Never says non-lethal
> Kentucky fried sailor flies across bar
> Sneaky dwarf asks captain when cops may show up
> "lol any second now"
> Guards rush in, like 15 motherfuckers
> Wizard goes invisible
> Sneaky dwarf grabs captain and jumps out the window
> Didn't look first
> Right into the ocean
> Lizardfolk rushes for the window
> Guard grabs his tail
> Lizard tail pops off, wiggling in guard's hand as lizardfolk leaps out window
> I break a tackle and follow
> Saved by lizardfolk
> Wizard, ranger, panther all out the window
> Cleric has his dander up
> Thunderwaves the guards
> 5 save, 10 don't
> Guards flying everywhere
> Other five grab cleric
> One gets the wrath of Talos
> Other four manage to cuff him
> Rest of us on shore see him getting dragged off to jail
> Wizard follows to see where he's taken
> Captain loves us now
> Sneaky dwarf pulls out captain hat, puts it on
> "How do I look?"
- Players trigger several traps at once, DM is forced to reveal plot twists months early to avoid TPK
- Stealth isn’t our strong suit…
- The Swole Bois
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