Content of the article: "“I THROW THE BOOK!”"
Be me, minotaur fighter in a one shot
One shot is based around the idea of playing as an evil minion. Goal is to go into the dungeon we used to have and get our master's book.
Doesn't tell us what it does but does state it's important and magical
Be not me, monk.
This player only plays monk and never really interacts in the game. Had recently left the campaign we where both in, effectively causing it to eventually fall apart since we only had 4 people counting myself and the DM.
Doesn't roleplay, hardly talks, barely contributes to games. Only ever really does stuff when it comes to combat, but I don't mind too much since he's not being a jackass. He just doesn't like roleplaying.
Still miffed about it sometimes tho. He ocassionally actively fights against the plot or any rp someone is doing by refusing to do anything
Playing a joke character. A dude with a sheet over his head that convinced all the minions he is a ghost.
DM starts us at level 5 and lets us have a magical item of our choice. Think it couldn't go above common
"Can I have a sword that talks?"
Since it talks and can see it gives me advatage on perception or charisma based checks but if I over use it he gets mad and will refuse to fight.
Imagine the slimest greasiest itallian gangster of all time. That's my sword's voice and personality.
Spends an hour trying to explain what he wants.
Essentially just wanted twin short swords that only do necrotic damage.
He does not land a single blow with them the whole one shot and everything he did hit was undead.
Arrive in town. Many people investigating dungeon for loot and research.
Convince miners me and ghost monk are adventures hired to get a very dangerous book left in the dungeon to destroy it.
"What does it do? Is it… VALUABLE???" Asks dwarf miner.
"It… uh… shrinks penises?"
Sword backs me up and we convince them, but inquisitors guarding the dungeon could give less of a fuck
"MMMMMMMM FOOK OFF PEESANT!"
Both our characters are dumb brutes. Mine is prone to anger.
Shoves inquititor onto horns, impaling him.
Have 19 AC. None of them hit me once.
Single handedly kill all 15 of them alone cuz monk misses everything and goes down.
Explore the dungeon with my sword and I getting into many hijinks and arguing with wall goblins.
Get to the end of dungeon after smashing the puzzles in creative ways rather than solving them in far easier ways
Ominous death throne intensifies.
Grab book and get chased by shadow demon as dungeon collapses and my party member down again from failing rolls to dodge debris.
Chilling in forest to regain hp and wait out town guard searching for us.
Monk wants to read book
My character lets him but he doesn't look because he's superstitious and sees it as bad juju.
"You open it. Make a Con save."
Fails roll. Shocking.
"Your dick shrinks by 2 inches"
Monk – "….Let's betray our master"
"But he's a Lich who could kill us by looking at us"
"Nah man, gimme the book so I can burn it"
Monk tries to fight me
Suplex him through a log
Shadow demon arrives and summons a bunch of skeletons
Look at useless party member
Try to diplomacy the fuck outta this guy when monk says he takes the book from me
I let him
Assume he'll run away with it since monks be fast
"I THROW THE BOOK AT THE DEMON :D"
Demon catches book and teleports away.
"I take off my ghost sheet and reveal I was a floating soul the whole time :D"
I roll die. Nat 20.
"I kill the ghost."
Campaign ends without boss fight.
"Why did you throw the macguffin at him?"
Explains that he thought it would kill him cuz it shrank his penis.
"But he would've had to read it and how would it kill him? Also why would he die to the thing he was tasked with protecting?"
"Stop getting so mad bro it's just a game"
mfw a question is being mad
Spent a week waiting for this inly to be left with the taste of piss in my mouth.
mfw I rpd with my SWORD more than my party member.
Thus my dislike of monks grew.
- Player Shuts Down Sexist Comment, Made Me Smile
- Demonic deal
- Need a fun encounter in your dungeon? Try Jeffrey, the Sentient Room
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