Dungeons & Dragons Online

Koboldocracy and the Great Dragon Civi-Khan-Gagemont

The most baffling thing about Dungeons and Dragons is that you can have the afterlife on speed dial, ageless creatures of incalculable power, people that range from plants to giant bugs to Space Invaders and yet every village is still run by wise old man and every city by Lord Jag.

Let's give Tolkien and 1300's England a well deserved break here. The values and nature of your world should directly and uniquely form it's government and institutions. For this example I'll be taking Kobolds. Community minded, obsessive and determined to the point of lunacy. Then let's see what we can do with a different kind of Dragon.

The immense guard lazily inspects the party's letter of marque. Perched upon either of her broad shoulders is a sandy-skinned Kobold, wearing well maintained miniature versions of her arms and armament, one snoozing away in the afternoon sun while the other immediately informs every passerby that his comrades fatigue reflects only his diligence and not the fact that Loretha's pauldrons are the most coveted napping spot in town.

"Everything seems to be in order, you can go in. Just don't say you have a vested interest in the well-being of the realm."

As she hastily tries to shh him the Paladin immediately pipes up

"But good Guard, we do have a vested interest in the well-being of the realm!"

Immediately the napping Kobold leaps to it's feet and points an impassionedly shaking claw at the party.

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"Then they must be sacrificed to appease our Great Wurm Civi-Khan-Gagemont"

As Loretha repeatedly slaps her own forehead a horde of Kobolds materializes from the woodwork waving documents, informational programs and charts at the party before ushering them into town. Kobolds repeatedly shove each other out of view with graphs of ethical guidelines, census information, legislative track records and demographic trends. Looking around you see both bemused townsfolk and dust covered travelers being similarly cajoled into the town square, throngs of Kobolds plying them with tasty snacks and informational handouts.

In the town square Dragon banners and kites fill the sky as the square itself has been converted to dozens of open air lecture halls. Small panels speak and field questions on topics from the Healing Potion Shortage to the recent Scroll Tariffs. Kobolds sternly patrol each aisle, handing out indulgently fried finger foods, directing guests and fielding questions. Looming over everything is the tremendous efiggy of a snarling Dragon. Decorating the Dragon is a kaleidoscope of graffiti, signatures and individual tiny scales, each lovingly affixed to the enormous statue. A queue of people crack jokes and make small talk with the Kobolds as one by one they are shoved into it's gaping maw.

Staring at you at eye level from atop an immense podium a Kobold evangelizes.

"And only with a mighty turnout as stipulated in last months Ancient adjustment to the city charter of 75% of all residents including those with absentee representation may we achieve the great and mighty quorum! Only with the power of Quorum in hand can we! We mighty Dragons, for we are all each and every one among us the great Dragon Civi-Khan-Gagemont so long as we achieve the mighty quorum and obtain the Divine Certificate of Fairly Mandated Civil Election!

Only armed with the holy informational documents, which must be formed only with factual and relevant information, free of the dread spectre of bias can we all continue upon the glorious path of Civi-Khan-Gagemont!

After several hours of being plied with treats and ushered from lecture to lecture the party finally find themselves before the gaping mache maw of The Great Dragon. After placing their hand on a city charter and navigating a Hopscotch-like field of Zone of Truths the party is shoved into the beasts massive throat. The roar of outside noise is instantly stifled and a hooded kobold in ceremonial vestments solemnly offers each party member a small ballot.

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The motion begins with a line from the city charter reading

"Public users of Necromancy will be find 50 Gold Pieces"

The ballot asks you to determine whether you believe that the intent of the passage was to FINE public Necromancy users 50 Gold Pieces or to help them Find 50 Gold Pieces whenever they publicly practice Necromancy.

Do Elves elect their leaders but nobody notices cause they only do it every ten thousand years? If you skip the Kobold election do they freaking eat you? Does the Raksasha Kingship change depending on who cheats most egregiously on the royal audit? These are the nuances that determine whether you're running a magical setting, or a setting with magic.

*note Civi-Khan-Gagemont is a very bad Portmanteau of Civic-Engagement


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