Dungeons & Dragons Online

My PC was knocked unconcious by the party and I don’t know how to feel about it.

If the name Aesial means anything to you, please either stop reading or chat to me afterwards.

So a little background info, my friends have started a half west marches style campaign online where 3 DMs run adventures and take turns playing. I've played dnd quite a bit so when rolling up characters for it, I decided to run a female dark elf who (through backstory which I won't get into) doesn't agree with the drow perspective but has very much had contact with their desire for power & heirarchies from a young age. Going so far as to hunt them for the local special forces before settling into wastelands adventuring which is where we started playing, and what we're currently doing. I had her adopt a more forgiving and respectful outlook after realising hunting drow is as much revenge as being drow because I didn't want an edgy character, I wanted something quaint, courtious but has dabbled in evil enough to know she hates it, and how to deal with it mechanically.

During travels my character got hold of a cursed hag's book which gives me various hag-like info, and allows me to cast any warlock cantrip if I make a save. The downside being that if the book is ever removed from me, it is treated like an overwhelming addiction and if it's not within 5ft I lose hearing and a small amount PC agency. I was given the guise of not wanting to ever let this book go and so I chose to keep it from the party because I thought that would be realistic. IC we haven't been adventuring that long and I knew if I mentioned it that the others would help me let the book go which naturally my character didn't want to do because I'm cursed. It has helped in a couple of situations such as persuading captors to give it to me and having it as a spellcasting focus in prison after having my original focus removed. I have never used it with ill intent or shown it to be a threat to any of the party and generally it hasn't made much of an appearance IC because I've kept it on the backburner on purpose and avoided bringing it up.

Now the actual event. Our party had just defeated an awakened plant that grew around the body of a dead hag (suspected part of the same coven) and it's loot contained a sachel which the dm told me I have a desire to own because of the current curse. While going through the loot I calmly ask to see the sachel and rummage around a bit, it has some gross spellcasting components in it and I put it on without saying much (in my mind, IC, this is barely recognisable as a red flag, but because the players have heard a lot about the book above table it raises more suspicion than the characters would actually have which is annoying but I'd likely be the same).

The player who handed me the sachel, asked for some info from the original book to try and bring the subject up properly and I explained that it changes sometimes, and writes over itself, at which point the dm described the player as seeing the ghostly image of a hag over my PC's shoulder. The player asks for the book and I say no, then they grab the book, I try to grab it back and the rest of the party gets in the way. This doesn't feel great having to face off against the party, especially how quickly they distance me from the book, but I played the curse like an addiciton / afflicion so it's understandable. I wait for a bit for the party to talk, letting them know that my PC seems in distress to the point where they comment on me being in pain IC. They get the book close enough to me so I can hear and we talk a little but nothing is getting resolved. Seeing that they had no intention of giving it back to ease my PC's state, I cast thunderwave because I need the utility from being physically restrained and OC I know my party can easily take the damage (not the best idea but from my point of view, a character just stole from my PC, caused her pain and talking is not resolving it. I don't really know now what I could have said to get it back short of pleading for help while restrained and threatened which is a bit diminishing anyway). I go for the book, take a big hit from the barbarian. and it is given to a wizard who casts invisibility. One of the kinder PCs tries to hug me, and I hug them back but still in pain so disengage on my turn trying to be flavourly courtious to them, trying to signify that this is a route I want, but I need that book first cause I'm distressed. I use an artificer feature to give the invis wizard temp hp and follow the spell path to try and grab them, at which point nobody wants to fight inc me so we just accept that one of the other members knocks me out. They bind me, and ride me back to town and all the guards see me tied up. The one PC who hugged me takes me to a cleric and I ablige but nothing comes of it.

A few other small things happened that I don't want to get into that made my PC feel diminished and feeble dispite me rolling like a god to evade grapples during that encounter. I honestly don't know what to do with her now. I feel like she's been humiliated by the whole group and it just hasn't really come up again. The PC who took the book in the first place asked IC if "we're cool" and I said yea but I honestly IC, I don't know. I feel as if, in game, my PC would just leave asap becuase it didn't seem like most of the party wanted to help her, it seemed like they didn't want to deal with a problem, and how can she trust a party who have beaten her unconscious before. I've thought of continuing with a sysiphus / darth maul perspective of just *keep going* no matter what, defeat is strength, but I don't want a heavy drowlike character and I can't get over the feeling of mistrust that this encounter has stirred OC and IC. (edit, may have overexaggerated this part, I don't know how to overcome this to progress the character IC or OC, mistrust is definately only IC)

I'm thinking of having an over the table chat about it, but not really sure what to say. Has anyone successfully dealt with this sort of thing before? I get that I kind of instigated it by using thunderwave but it was more for utility and my PC was either deafened or distressed from being restrained and questioned. AITA? I get that some people might not want to deal with these things in dnd but it happened anyway and I don't really like that it's just been played off as this small thing and we just continue the mission. IC, from going through drow heirarchy and what this would mean in their society, I feel like she knows she has just been kicked down out of the equality of a guild, and I don't know if talking to the players will resolve that feeling that she has just become the guild runt in a matter of minutes.

TLDR: My PC got a cursed book which acted like a strong addiction and was knocked out & bound when withdrawl kicked in. Now feels like sh*t and nobody knows how to address it including me.

Edit: Conclusion is I'm the asshole, I was likely playing it overly realistic of what I thought the curse would afflict my PC with and either way I should take responsibility for the situation I had my hand in creating. I've been playing successfully with this group for years and hope to continue this adventure so thank you all for the help.


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