Dungeons & Dragons Online

Of Gods, Lichs and guards

The campaign started with me and my party of 5 being hired to rescue a local merchants daughter who had been captured by cultists. After a week of travel we find the base fight our way through bandits, mimics and dementors from Harry Potter and find the cult leader. A chained woman says she can help us if we free her so our monk moves to able to just that next turn. Our barbarian gets into attack range only to have his attacked blocked, his halberd melted and knocked unconscious via 25 necrotic damage. Needless to say none of the rest of the party attack. Next turn our monk frees the chained women who takes on an angelic form, onehsots the cult leader and gives us all a vision. In the vision our respected gods show us another vision of some mind flayers excavating some tunnels and tell us that its our new sacred mission to stop them. We come back to reality to find ourselves in the cult bases prison and see 2 things the merchants daughter we came to rescue and a lich. The lich introduces himself as Boney and says he's been ordered by the Gods to aid us on our quest , he also mentions how in return we help him find women to "bone". Ignoring that last part my character ask Boney what can he do and Boney responds by instantly teleporting us in front of the shop owned by the merchant who hired us. The party rejoices at having such a useful ally and we head inside to give the merchant his daughter. We go inside only to discover in the week we've been gone the merchant has hung himself. We cut him down and determine he's dead. We leave the daughter to grieve and the rest of my party goes to the our fighters house to sleep and I go to the local tavern with Boney because both in game and out I need a drink. Boney disguises himself as a tiefling and we enter the tavern, Boney then proceeds to charm the bartender so we both get free drinks. I talk with Boney and learn that he literally can't be killed as he's cursed by the Gods to help us till we complete our quest. Boney then says its time to help him find women to sleep with. I ask Boney how is that even possible, Boney proceeds to take of his pants and show a well endowed dick as stated by our DM. I tell him to put his closes back on before we get in trouble but its to late. 2 guards approach us Boney charms one but the other grabs me by the throat. I croak out for Boney to help me only for him to say why? I tell him if I'm arrested I cant help him find women. "You got me there." Says Boney as with a wave of his hand he teleports my party to me. Waking from his sudden teleportation our fighter see me being choked and punches the guard, freeing me. My party yells at Boney to teleport us back to the fighters house before more guards show up. And he does. Annoyed we all agree to go to bed, only for boney to approach my character and say he has to help him find a women to bone. Aggravated I tell Boney he can have some of my coin and find a hooker. And so Boney leaves with 10 gold coins. After 3 hours of sleep we all wake up to the sound of guards banging on our door demanding our arrest. We look for boney only to find him balls deep in a hooker in the kitchen. We tell Boney to stop and teleport us to the cult base so we can escape, my character pointing out we cant stop the mind flayers if were arrested. "You got me there" says Boney again as we teleport to the cult base and apparently he brought along the hooker. Before we can decide anything our dm tell us we here guard dogs in the distant and there getting closer. Apparently these guards are so well equipped they can track us after teleporting and be on us in literal seconds. Our session ends as the party tries desperately tries to think of someway out of this.

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Source: reddit.com

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