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The Clappening – AKA the Dummy Thicc Cleric busts down a reinforced steel door

Content of the article: "The Clappening – AKA the Dummy Thicc Cleric busts down a reinforced steel door"

Obligatory not greentext.

So I'm the DM for my group of friends, and I'd like to share the tale that became known as the "Clappening" that happened last session.

For context the party consists of a Monk, a Wizard, a Warlock, and a Cleric.

The party was in an audience chamber with a king, when they get arrested. The wizard dimension doors himself and the warlock the second things turn south, ditching the Monk and Cleric who are immediately thrown into the deepest darkest cells of the castle.

As the Wizard and Warlock initiate a plan to help their comrades escape, the Cleric and Monk decide to take their destiny into their own hands.

The monk declares that he has two darts strapped to his butt cheeks at all times. I allow it because the Monk literally wears nothing but a loincloth at all times to show off his physique.

The Cleric tries to say she's hiding a shortsword between her ass cheeks. I deny this request, with the words "I don't care if you're character is thicc enough to hold it there, you never mentioned it so no."

Cleric tries to use sending to call for help but fails due to plot shenanigans. Cleric decides to fuck with my by declaring she will twerk her ass against the steel prison door.


Monk immediately chimes in and suggests using Morse code to send a secret message to the rest of the party. I clarify and confirm that Cleric intends to slam her ass so hard against the door, that the Wizard and Warlock, who are literally hours away on foot atm, will hear it and decipher the sound.

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I decide to say fuck it, and roll athletics, because the image of the Cleric hurting her ass in failure would amuse me greatly.

Natural 20.


The Warlock and Wizard hear the Morse code and are informed of their comrades location. The players are also immediately scarred and just whispering "no, no, no" to themselves.

The sound of the Clerics twerks shake the very foundations of the castle . The Cleric manages to keep up this brutal "ass"ault for literal hours. Eventually I conceded that the steel door eventually flies off its hinges, resulting in their freedom.

The Warlock and Wizard are permanently psychology scarred at the mental image, while the Monk has never been prouder.

I had to put a cooldown of one week on the Clerics ability in an attempt to save my campaign from being completely destroyed by her terrifying dummy thicc cheeks of fury.

Source: reddit.com

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