Dungeons & Dragons Online

The time I nuked a continent

> Be me, cute level 11 bard. Loving, wholesome, all-round prevents murder-hobo. Campaign going okay. Got seven nasty monsters to kill for our bestiary to be complete and the campaign to end. The first was a 100 hp pain-train. The last of the seven is literally a fucking god. We're about to hit number six. I want to avoid the encounter if I can.

> Be not me – DM homebrewer-loveable-scumbag and party of 2/3 other players who drop in and out. DM has been chewed out for his Mugabe levels of number inflation in the past, his punishing combat encounters, his problem-DM bingo-card-filling and railroading. Continues his deviant ways but less so than before. Pretty much everyone around the table has DM experience and helps him out, but also wants to see what the fuck is going to happen unchecked.

> Due to homebrew insanity and DM shenanigans of wild proportions I own a diamond that is the physical representation and manifestation of Hell. This diamond IS a hell dimension.

> Monster number 6/7 is on the horizon. Medieval fantasy setting but the twist is that its actually a post-apocalypse set thousands of years in the future. Monster lives in an ancient nuclear submarine that's still active. Death and other folks have told the PCs the vague gist of the ancient civilization.

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> Enter the magical realm of ancient technology. Get stuck in weird 2-week time loop in which I get cloned, make progress, die trying to fight the monster, and repeat again. EACH TIME this happens my whole inventory is cloned with me. Clearly the DM is insane. Loveable, but insane.


>The DM has cloned me and therefore the hell dimension diamond millions of times. Breaking even one will unleash hell on Earth. These are buried in the mountains of corpses of yours truly and sand dunes that have built up over the aeons of repeated time. We're fucked. I loot one of these diamonds.

>Disarm traps, enter nuclear sub, find the boss.

> *Evil bard giggling noises*

>Smash the hell diamond, open big ass portal to hell.

>Draw a teleportation circle to halfway across the continent.

>Convince an NPC to throw the cloned second hell diamond into the Doom guy portal whilst the party teleports out. We'll reincarnate you, bro.

>Arrive at destination safe. Put on shades and play the lute.

>My face when I bag of holding bomb but it's an entire dimension.

>Hell is fucking destroyed in on itself. The explosion activates the submarine's nukes.

> The DM is whimpering.

>The imp familiar is whimpering. His home's gone.

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>Folks within a 50 mile radius fucking go insane from the hell visions.

>Accidentally murdered the devil without even meeting him.

>Mission accomplished.

> Watch the nukes go off from 100+ miles away. Its a blip on the radar of metal death fuckery that's going on when you bag of holding bomb hell into hell.

> Chuckle in glee as we're informed the final god boss is scared now.


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