Dungeons & Dragons Online

‘Vampire The Masquerade is a Serious game’ a.k.a. Would you like to buy some crack?

Apologies if I mess up any of the formatting, permalurker who felt like sharing some funny stories during lockdown.

Backstory:
>long time player of tabletops, relatively new to DM'ing but really enjoying it
>have a regular 2-3 groups where I alternate between DM'ing and playing, more and more of my social group getting into tabletop games (especially 5e)
>most regular group is flatmate (The Texan), cousin (The Nord) and another guy (Hogan), who will feature heavily in most of my stories if I manage to type them up.

The setting:
> Texan, Hogan and HentaiGuy (mutual friend) decide we're a bit tired of 5e and want to try running something else; I offer to DM a WoD system since they're all interested to try it out.
>Decide to run an anarchist homebrew version of Vampire 5e with a bit of V20 thrown in for some spice, been a while since I played VtM and I wanted to see how bad/good V5 was.
>Run a relatively basic setting, Modern Age city in the Midwest called Sundown in the middle of a Camarilla/Anarch territory dispute; city is currently Camarilla owned by a Prince slowly going insane from torpor (yeah yeah, I watch LA By Night, it's a great show, sue me)
>Allow players to powerboost slightly so it's not insanely boring, we end up with:

  1. Brujah Spanish noble from the 19th Century who poses as an American History professor at the local university (Texan)
  2. Gangrel occultist/fortune-teller based on Richard Lael, newly turned and not really changing his lifestyle much (Hogan)
  3. Toreador sniper/mercenary killed in the field, brought back as a loyal Camarilla cleaner/problem solver (HentaiGuy)

The result:
>Players immediately go from being deadly serious to roasting each other IG and OOG about their characters
>Party given instructions by the Voice of the King to take care of a suspected Anarch drug dealer
>Party deals with this by scoping out the house, HentaiGuy sets up overwatch on a building next door to have a clear shot
>Texan and Hogan both specialise in conversation/charisma checks, decide to start it that way
>Knock on the door
>NPC answers and asks what they are doing here
>''Senor, we are here to purchase, your finest crack' (all said in a very authentic accent)
>Doing my best not to laugh, I try to continue as seriously as I can
>You want crack?
>Si si! Your most bueno of cracked consumables!
>tfw he's really going to keep doing this

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>Hogan and Texan enter to be immediately surrounded by 4 gangbangers, one of whom they roll a high Wits check to notice he's hiding a pistol in his waistband
>This turns into an extended series of Deception/Manipulate rolls to get more info out of the group and determine who might be a ghoul and/or funding them; HentaiGuy keeps making checks to maintain his aim on the only armed individual
>One failed check later, it looks like a scene out of a John Wu film and the two worst at combat characters are trying to survive a 3v2 beatdown whilst the armed ghoul sprints up the stairs to shoot at them.
>HentaiGuy snipes the 3 goons with mixed results, can't get a lock on the ghoul
>Hogan and Tex head upstairs, almost get sliced in half by the ghoul holding a machete, manage to fight him off before he reveals the Voice is the one who hired him.
>HentaiGuy panics, decides the best solution is to sprint into the house and start firing his sniper rifle point-blank
>Practically decapitates the ghoul and results in a group cry of 'OH GOD THIS WAS MY GOOD SHIRT'
>Group licks their wounds, get some sippy from the remaining humans and loot the place for (and I quote) 'as much crack and ammunition as I can carry, pendejo'
>Group rigs house to explode upon hearing police sirens, steal the gangbanger's van and drive off through the bad part of town to escape pursuit.

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>Reconvene at meeting place with the Voice, are surprised to find the Sheriff and King there as well.
>King is relatively polite, albeit flat out batshit
>'Would you like some crack?'
>My man Tex is offering crack to an insane monarch who just let them know he'd kill them if they upset him.
>Rolls 5 successes on a Etiquette check.
>mfw
>King laughs
>Party recaps their events, explains the Voice is playing both sides
>Voice tries to escape, Sheriff subdues him and allows the party to decide his fate
>Texan's character recognises the Voice from his backstory, as one of the Kindred that razed his town 100+ years ago, asks if he can kill him.
>King agrees before having another mental lapse, announces he's calling a Blood Hunt and puts a list of 12 names on the table, says the group amuses him and he'll let them get a 'head start on the festivities' before inviting them to an Elysium ball in 2 days, then leaves with the Sheriff.
>Party immediately plays rock paper scissors to see who gets to feed on the Voice, after HentaiGuy kneecaps him for trying to escape again.
>Party drives off in the crack-van stuffed full of crack, guns, ammunition and bloodbags to prepare for their next target and drive off into the sunrise.

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Further adventures did ensue, and almost all of them involve at least one 'would you like some crack' Persuasion attempts.

Source: reddit.com

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