EVE Online

EVE Online saved my life

Summer, 2011

Life doesn’t always go as expected. I had just graduated from my first degree, and in the final months had that go sideways, as well as having a long term relationship implode in fairly spectacular fashion. I decide to go move in with my grandparents, not because I’m close to them, but because its better than the thought of going back to my parents, and to help my grandad who had parkinsons’ as well. I’m there for the next year. A month or so after this, I pick up EVE in a steam sale; I’d tried it before, and it was very pretty, but a little boring. This time I found that there was a reddit corp – I just had to wait a while to get my reddit account to 3 months old to join, but that would be fine.

At this time my mental health situation deteriorated to about as low as its possible for such a thing to go. Without access to much support, either medically or familial, I ended up throwing myself into playing the game too fucking much over the next few months. I started gaining something that never used to come naturally to me, confidence. I had signed up to be a skirmish FC in TEST, and after a month or so of hyping myself up, I started doing just that. A few small roams, one dumbass trying to read dotlan roaming around a few places. A week or two later I did it again. Comrades, it was terrifying. I kept at it, and eventually started feeling more competent as well. I had a group of people who I’d chat shit with on jabber (zulusquad RIP), and was gaining more status as an FC, it was great. It became far too much of my self esteem, however. Combined with my anger and frustration about my real life situation, I allowed the character of Dysphonia to become a real piece of shit. In hindsight this was a very large mistake, for me as a person, and in game.

Summer, 2012

None of the negatives mattered though, because my ego was about to swell even further. The pre-HBC coalition of TEST/PL/Pets invaded Delve, Querious, Period Basis. Shadoo as campaign commander. By this point I was a big dick full FC, a year into the game. It was great. I’d end up doing some coord stuff, as well as getting to take any good timers to myself. The dream. I only remember shadoo yelling at me once, when I lost half a sniping tornado fleet through warping stupidly, so overall a success. Towards the tail end of this, I’d get to FC main fleets/and tell the others what to do for some big dick timers around 49-, as -A- (are shit) decided to try pushing back, in response to some prodding into Catch and 4-0. Just as things started winding down, I ended up with a job that would be >60 hours a week, so this kinda slowed right down for a long while. Despite becoming increasingly as useful as a chocolate teapot, I managed to maintain a twatish demeanour, naturally.

Spring, 2013

I ended up moving to my boys in NORK., after being a bitch about something or other, and leaving TEST. This pattern did repeat later in the year, oddly enough. Maybe I was just a big old bitch? Anyway, this led to becoming even more of a shitheel, until we left TEST as a corp, along with most of the active people in zulusquad. Turns out we were a bunch of splitters because that group of people has split at least 3 more times since then. Weird that. Anyway we joined SNIGG, and it was great*. Thus ended the era of me pretending to be an FC

*After a while I repeated bitch move of leaving and returning ofc.

2014-2021, the bitter years

I played on and off. Did some stuff, mostly nothing of any real note or relevance to what I wanted to say here, apart from one thing. I continued to generally be a piece of shit within the confines of EVE online. Even as my real life situation got significantly better, and as I became, if not happier, much less angry at the world, this continued to be the case. Like some kind of insane autonomic reflex, I ultimately end up being a dick, no matter what. Sometimes because it was fun (see: my posting at the end of the war), but mostly because thats just what happens. It ain’t me man. Not anymore.

So we must kill this part of myself. In 8 hours I will be free. Inshallah I shall be rid of this anchor around my neck, which I placed myself and made myself, like an idiot.

But wait, there's more

Consider this the point of this story; be good to one another. Life is genuinely better that way, I promise. Continue to get the sick dunks in, please. Who doesn’t love it when you make a post and hit nothing but net? Its like you saved up a juggernaut, and then released it with a prostate tickle. Just absolutely wonderful.

I love you all

Thank you for making it this far if you read this literary masterubation of mine btw. I hate writing about myself as much as you hated reading about me, but frankly I felt an unquenchable need to jerk myself off like this. Some men enjoy feet, apparently I needed this. Disgusting tbh.

since neither can be mine, let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, though tied to thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!

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