Content of the article: "Hey you down there! Are you worried that your post about Robert Edwin House’s birthday on June 25th of this year won’t receive the visibility and recognition it deserves? Struggling to keep up with the Joneses? Here’s an easy 25 step guide to ensure your unique musings stand out from the rest."
- 1 1. Ignorance is Bliss
- 2 2. Don’t Be Wet Behind the Ears
- 3 3. Age is Just a Number
- 4 4. Pun Your Way to Health
- 5 5. Social Medicine
- 6 6. Crack of Dawn
- 7 7. Dr. 9-Irony
- 8 8. Words of Wisdom
- 9 9. Honest Mistake
- 10 10. House of Cards
- 11 11. Ave Corporate!
- 12 12. Spruce Goose
- 13 13. Etaoin Shrdlu?
- 14 14. Lights! Camera! Action!
- 15 15. Morose Code
- 16 16. Conscientious Sympathizer
- 17 17. And It's Neck and Neck!
- 18 18. Alright Mr. DeMille, I'm Ready for My Close-Up
- 19 19. Condolences
- 20 20. More Bloatflies with Honey
- 21 21. I Love to Singa
- 22 22. Truth or Consequences
- 23 23. Should Auld Acquaintance
- 24 24. Afraid of Comment-ment
- 25 25. And the Award Goes To…
- 26 Aww, Missed Out?
You there! Yes, you!
Biding your time until the opportune moment comes?
Well pull up those jackboots kiddo with some handy tips to ensure your post has got enough moxie to get ahead of the other guys!
This has been conveniently posted for your viewing pleasure just as the UTC birthday gets well underway and right before it hits the beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada time zone so you can make an informed and profitable decision.
1. Ignorance is Bliss
Don't have time to micro-manage? Want to set and forget to gain the maximum reward with the least amount of effort? All you do is have to lift that finger to post a general admission that it's House's birthday and let the tide take care of the rest.
Warning: Results may vary.
2. Don’t Be Wet Behind the Ears
Hello pacifier-sucking accounts! You might run into some problems posting with reddit's automated systems kicking in. Due to a common influx of new bot accounts posting fishy links, many subreddits require a minimum account karma limit.
Better rack up those points now with a mildly amusing comment in a default subreddit to ensure you're game day ready.
3. Age is Just a Number
Hey you crotchety Methuselahs! Been lurking for 10 years or more? Time to dust off that posting button and show those whippersnappers a thing or two about submissions. Remember when you could actually post to reddit? Don't forget to mention that this is the best thing to happen in the lifetime of your veteran account.
Age before beauty!
4. Pun Your Way to Health
Some people say that puns are the lowest form of wit. But puns online are simply divine. On reddit, no one reads wordy descriptions anyway. Titles must do all the work, grab and summarize. What better way to get a brief smirk to play upon your dear readers faces than with hilarious word-play?
Feeling punned out? Try on a couple of these for size: House Rules!, Housing Shortage, Housing Market, House-tzer Guns for Defense, House Today – Gun Tomorrow, House Beautiful
5. Social Medicine
Everybody hates it, but you've gotta take it. The job that anyone can do, no one wants to do, someone's gotta do it, and a job that gets no respect: It's the Social Media Manager!
Help them out by including link to a post from your favorite social media website made by a game developer, a gaming news site, or even a random person off the street. Why waste time in the body of your textbox when they've done all the work for you?
6. Crack of Dawn
Like a pulled pin from a hand grenade, timing is everything. Those fancy EurAsianAussies may get the chance at being in House's birth day first, but reddit dot com runs on good old fashioned American time.
Try to catch those sleepy-eyed Eastern Seaboarders at their Eastern Time 6:00 AM. It will push up onward through the morning hours until the sunlight reaches the Left Coast on Pacific Time.
Or try to post during the rush hour of one of the latest European time zones to carry enough momentum to carry and jerk those New Yorkers with their morning coffee awake enough to push the snowball.
As always, spring forward fall back. Daylight Savings Time is in effect in Nevada, USA if you are in a country that doesn't recognize magical hour hocus-pocus. Or those Arizona and Hawai'i fellows.
7. Dr. 9-Irony
Ah, the old reddit switcheroo. Try posting a picture of popular television star of the small screen, Dr. Gregory House. That will be sure to get a small, mirthless chuckle from the masses.
In case of pesky rule violations, be sure to use any popular photo-manipulation computer program to insert a headshot of acclaimed actor Hugh Laurie onto the body of Robert House.
8. Words of Wisdom
Pithy quotes from the man with a well-framed photograph and black on white text will bring a tear to many a viewer. Perhaps share a few words and provide a few inspirational insights on how House has changed your life and the lives of many.
9. Honest Mistake
Did you post too early? Too late? Hopefully people won't notice.
But if they do, don't forget to profusely apologize. Or don't.
To err is human, but to forgive divine.
10. House of Cards
Straighten up, square your shoulders, stare right into camera and be sure to use the full name of Robert Edwin House.
That will be guaranteed to show you have more than a passing knowledge of the history of the greatest man who ever lived as opposed to those degenerates who use mere nicknames and abbreviations. Or slightly more effort with a cursory Google search.
11. Ave Corporate!
Make it official! And what can be more official than a sponsored post straight from the horse's mouth? Include a link to spread the referral love.
Got official merchandise? Spread those cherished tchotchkes and get those snappie snappies.
12. Spruce Goose
History is often written by the victors. Include a small history segment of the man behind the man, Howard Hughes. Perhaps a side by side comparison whether photographic or lexical would be a suitable tribute.
13. Etaoin Shrdlu?
Sometimes your feline friend just happens to walk across the keyboard. Or maybe you made a hasty typo in your earnest efforts to compose a masterful title.
You can't change the past, so embrace it! Hopefully it was a humorous mistake that will take you to the top!
14. Lights! Camera! Action!
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a video film would be even better. Start those motion picture cameras rolling and use your favorite video sharing site to get the lead out and get the word out about House.
Does the camera add ten pounds? Maybe. But it will certainly add more than a thousand words.
15. Morose Code
.. ..-. / -.– — ..- / — .- -.- . / .–. . — .–. .-.. . / .– — .-. -.- / ..-. — .-. / .. – / .- / .-.. .. – – .-.. . –..– / – …. . / .-. . .– .- .-. -.. / .– .. .-.. .-.. / -… . / –. .-. . .- – . .-. .-.-.-
16. Conscientious Sympathizer
English not your first language? It is your first language? It doesn't matter in the eyes of the public.
Humility is the sincerest form of expression. Everyone is imperfect next to House and his birthday. Relax! Preface the post with a pre-apology and even the most jaded of hearts will soften.
17. And It's Neck and Neck!
Sometimes the only winning move is not to play. Put on your newsman fedora and post a screenshot of the New or Hot Queue instead. Keep a running color commentary on projected winner and laugh all the way to the sportsbook.
Sometimes no news is the news.
18. Alright Mr. DeMille, I'm Ready for My Close-Up
Got a massive wardrobe. Been trimming that pencil mustache? Time to break out those double-breasted blazers and white pants. Line up the flash pan and take a shot.
If only the darn buttons weren't so confusing to do up.
Sometimes we forget the human. René Auberjonois sadly left us in December of 2019.
20. More Bloatflies with Honey
Share the love with orange ups. It costs nothing and makes a whole lotta people feel good.
21. I Love to Singa
Musically included? Compose a ditty, sing a song, or trip the light fantasic. Be a triple threat tribute.
For the more vocally challenged perhaps try quilling a poem, an acrostic, or maybe even macaroni art.
22. Truth or Consequences
Do you have a novelty account? Is it well aged and beetlejuiced up? It's time to make a comeback appearance to last for the ages.
Or maybe even share a photograph of the delivery room and a copy of the birth certificate.
23. Should Auld Acquaintance
People use this song to ring in the new year, but it's also to ring out the end of the working day in many countries.
Make a post acknowledging the end of House's birthday and thank everyone for the memories made on this day.
24. Afraid of Comment-ment
We get it, sometime writing and submitting a post is nerve-wracking.
But that shouldn't stop the intrepid comment writer. Be witty, insightful, and quick! It's a long way to win king of the hill.
25. And the Award Goes To…
Be sure to thank those hard-working people making posts and comments by crossing their palms with silver. Or gold, or whatever the awards are nowadays.
Got to shake the change out of the cushions.
Aww, Missed Out?
Don’t worry. You can simply bide your time until the next birthday comes around.
Shannon Rivers in 2024.
Desmond Lockheart in 2027.
The various robobrains from 2029-2055.
Cherise Fanno in 2023.
Antonio DeSota in 2023.
Raul Tejada in 2047.
Bonnie Tournquist in 2048.
Penelope Hornwright in 2048.
Various Massachusetts Bay University 2078 graduates from 2048-2058.
Carol in 2051.
Aneila Stawksi in 2052.
Randall Clark in 2053.
Robert Smith in 2064.
Various Vault 75 subjects from 2064-2071.
Jason Grant in 2067.
Kimmy Miller in 2069.
Marlene Glass in 2070.
Shane Miller in 2071.
Harold in 2072.
Lily Bowen will be born in 2078, well within the lifetime of most people here. Of course, 2077 and Shaun will be close by.
You can even look forward to a House post same time, same place, same channel, next year.
- Social Media Feeds in Games
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