Content of the article: "Post Pull Depression – Stardim Elena"
Hello and welcome to Post Pull Depression, the only thread that is just mostly dead, not completely dead!
Oh boy, how long has it been since the last one? Mid July… it’s only been two months? It feels like a fucking eternity has passed! What happened in that timespan?
- Neo Visions and Tifa broke the game balance
- Gil Towers broke the economy
- I broke the podcast
So yeah, shit’s breaking left and right so nothing really new then! Speaking of new, (I did not improve my segues obviously) we have a new Elena! And there is one thing I left unfinished: the
cringy af fan-fiction PPD Cinematic Universe! And what better way to do that than our Global Exclusive Japanese speaking Elena!
The Final Battle?
Blue Mage Fina: “Mwa ha ha! I have finally done it. My plan to crush those GLEX scum is finally complete!”
CG Nichol: “Oh are we still doing that? Hasn’t it been months or something like that?”
Blue Mage Fina: “The best plans have a long setup time with a big burst at the end! That dumb music brat was so focused on her GLEX units that she never noticed that each month I took away a season 3 character!”
CG Nichol: “Who? I’m skipping the story, it’s pretty lame. No one really wanted to see Fi–”
Blue Mage Fina: “AHEM! They are Daisy, Kalmia, Cleome, Nerine and especially Poppy!”
Blue Mage Fina: “Now they are in mad rush toward NV where they had to beg and plead to keep Tifa at her JP power level. Global Exclusive who now? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
Rivera: “Not so fast!”
Blue Mage Fina: “Ugh… we really have to start locking the doors around here.”
Rivera: “Do you really think anyone was interested in those Season 3 poop units? The rush to NV was all part of my ultimate plan to unveil the first GLEX NV unit: A meta-smashing ultimate support unit– Yoshikiri!”
NV Yoshikiri: “ub3r l33t h4x0r n1nj4 ez gg”
CG Nichol: “Ha ha… oh shit, he’s barely better than me and I’ve been around how long now? Ha ha ha… At least I don’t look like Auron at Home.”
NV Yoshikiri: “n00b, aur0n’s a s4mur41, i’m a n1nj4”
Rivera: “W-well, his story event was really well received!”
Blue Mage Fina: “So the character is a gamer shut-in who’s really a super strong ninja that winds up saving the day and hooks up with that Elena girl? What kind of power fantasy is that? You may as well just turn on the front camera so the player can watch themselves beating off to this!”
CG Nichol: “Fina! You can’t say that to a child! And you, stop looking that up!”
Rivera: “Tch, stupid Sylvie put the child locks on my phone… Fine! If you’re too dumb to recognize the greatness of the next level in support meta– Then I present to you the next level of meta defining damage dealing: Starlight Elena!”
NV Starlight Elena: “Watashi ga kita!”
Blue Mage Fina: “Oh if it isn’t that little GLEX sneak who wormed her way into the JP version and apparently lost a pant leg along the way.”
Rivera: “She may have lost a pant leg but show her what you gained!”
NV Starlight Elena: “Bureibu shifuto!”
NV Starlight Elena (BS): “Howdy folks!”
Rivera: “That’s right, Elena is now bi–”
CG Jake: “Oh?”
CG Jake: “Aw…”
Blue Mage Fina: “Oh wow she looks exactly the same but with pink hair. I’m so amazed… And why do these brave shifts always come with so much sparkly crap… ah ah ACHOOO!”
NV Starlight Elena (BS): dead
Blue Mage Fina: “Wait did she just die from me literally sneezing on her?”
Rivera: “That’s why I keep telling you that the Ribbon isn’t to protect you, it’s to protect others!”
Blue Mage Fina: “Don’t blame me for this! You’re the ones who didn’t bulk her up! Is this the best you got kiddo, a weeb and dead girl with a bad hair dye? Looks like the GLEX “meta” is over! Ha ha ha! Victory is finally mine!”
Rivera: “I didn’t want to have to do this, but you’ve left me no choice! Behold NVA Loren! High breaks, high imperils, high damag!”
Blue Mage Fina: “You cheating little brat! Loren is not a GLEX unit!”
Rivera: “Well, you can have her back for $2000 in EX points! We can just UoC her! Ha ha ha! HA HA HA HA!”
Blue Mage Fina: “dot dot dot”
Rivera: “Did you just say dot dot dot?”
Blue Mage Fina: “What? No! Look, don’t you see, if you defeat me now then there will be no more sides to choose from. No one to split the playerbase and have them fight each other. Now everyone’s attention will turn solely to you. Every complaint, every bug, every decision, every non-decision will be all your fault. A deluge of enmity crashing down on your little house built on sand.”
Rivera: “dot dot dot”
Blue Mage Fina: “So you see, not only do you need me, but I need you.”
Rivera: “OH. OH NO. SHE HAS ESCAPED! CURSE. THAT. FINA. I. WILL. DEFEAT. HER. NEXT. TIME. FOR. SURE!”
Blue Mage Fina: “That’s what I thought.”
Rivera: “Ha ha ha ha!”
Blue Mage Fina: “Ha ha ha ha!”
Tidus: “HA HA HA HA HA”
Post Pull Depression
Ah just like in politics the real losers are us! So meta…
I still don’t know how I feel about SElena. Yes it’s a game and you should pull for your favorites, but it still kinda leaves a tinge of disappointment when a unit you’re looking forward to isn’t phenomenal. Oh well, there’s been plenty of bitching already so I won’t add to it. I did manage to get her in about 70 tickets so yay! The sad thing is I don’t even know how many rainbows I got along the way. I used to screencap each one just because and now… well now rainbows really are the new golds. I still recall the “good ol’ days” of chasing golds (and failing!)
All in favor of FFBE repeating from the 6-18 months timeline say ay!
See ya in some future banner sometime!
- Post Pull Depression – Where to Exchange!
- GL Gacha Megathread FFBE Featured Summon: (CG) NV Starlight Elena, NVA Loren (9/24~10/07)
- NV/BS S.Elena’s base stats and passives are lower than unenhanced 7* Elena
© Post "Post Pull Depression – Stardim Elena" for game Final Fantasy Brave Exvius.
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