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I feel ashamed and guilty playing with a pro gamer because I’m so bad

Content of the article: "I feel ashamed and guilty playing with a pro gamer because I’m so bad"

So there's this new FPS game that I really like and feel committed to be good at. I practice everyday, never missing my routine so I can aim better and watch tutorials to improve my gameplay. When gaming, I met this awesome and chill guy who is so good with the game and even if I got wrecked that round he still invites me to play with him, saying it's fine and encourages/coaches me so I can be better.

Some time after I feel that, objectively speaking, I could say that I'm improving even bit by bit whenever I play alone. It got me excited because I thought that at least now I can contribute when I play with him next time and not just be a dead weight needed to be carried. Come next game when I'm with him, I still get wrecked, my KDR is so effing negative. This happens multiple times and every game I play makes me feel more and more ashamed and frustrated.

I always ask him if he still really want to play with me, and he's always okay with it, which makes me feel guiltier each time. I always thought "I promise I'm trying my best but why is it that I can't improve?" This came to the point that I'm so sad and guilty that I don't want to play anymore. Then I feel guiltier because he's always there being positive and always initiating a party invite no matter how much I suck in said FPS. It's agonizing whenever I feel that I should just not play with him so I won't hold him back, but at the same time I really want to play with him. I just don't know what to do anymore. It's like I'm playing for approval, which I don't want to feel because my self confidence is already so low, but at the same time I WANT TO GET HIS APPROVAL. It's nuts.

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