This is going to be a rant, focusing on sitting down and playing video games.. I just want to see how others feel and if they feel the same as I do.
(BACKSTORY) I love video games, it could be because my parents totally didn't get them and always sent me outside, always kept me busy with chores, and sports and having the chance to do what I want to do drew me to them. The only time I could play was on weekends at my friends, and for those 48 hours I was at his house was straight gaming, we had no consoles at our house, the closest I got to a video game was on our desktop computer playing website games. I would watch YouTube in all my free time watching others play games I wish I had. Finally at the age of 14 I saved up enough money to buy my own xbox 360, I was addicted, playing until I HAD to go to bed for school, as soon as I was home I was straight to xbox, my dad hated it, he was raised outside, working multiple jobs at a young age, he never had hobbies, only work. Yes I agree a 14yr old shouldn't be playing 5+ hours a day but I was just so drawn to them. For example I remember one time I was sick (around 15yrs old) fever and all, I went from laying on the couch to being sent up to go to bed, my friend texted me saying to hop on and play some black ops 2, through the sweats and headache I still, laying back in my chair with lights off, played for the next hour until I couldn't keep my eyes open. Through the years I would come home from school, play as much as I could between chores and sports, until the best thing happened to me, my parents got divorced. Alot of people will laugh at that, it is weird to here a kid happy about a divorce, but my dad was not a great guy, aside from the relationship stuff it ment I would be moving to a new house with my mom and wouldn't be bothered with his hatred of video games and his mindset of if I'm not out working I'm wasting my time. My mom was super cool with it. So at the age of 17 I was playing 10+ hours a day every single day, switched to online schooling, (more personal stuff, hatred of school, social anxiety, recent family problems due to divorce) so for my entire junior and senior year I was at my desk, bought an Xbox one, grinder every new call of duty/battlefield/halo that came out for those 2 years and then fell inlove playing rainbow six seige, got so into it I had a full team playing in diamond ranked division as soon as I woke up until I went to bed, with about 2 hours of school work done on my laptop that I had on the side of my desk. Eventually Graduated and continued to play everyday until I decided to get a job and car a year later. As long as I paid my car payment and other bills my mom didn't care what I did, With the money I saved I bought a gaming laptop, kept upgrading my setup, and put so so many hours into everything I played.
So.. now that were past that, my problem now is, at the age of 20, with my own apartment, girlfriend, and full time job, I can't sit longer than 2 hours without losing my mind. And what I mean by that is I jjsy can no longer sit still, no matter how great the game might be, I still LOVE video games, I'm up to date on all the new games, pre orders, I still get excited staying up till 2am waiting for a new update to drop, but as soon as a game or update drops, I play for the next few hours then have to take a break as I feel I can't sit still for another second. Its not that I don't have friends to play with, it's not that I'm bored of the content, it's just I mentally and physically can not sit any longer than a few hours. Sometimes I'll download a game, play it for 30 minutes and uninstall it!! Its hard to explain, I get so jumpy and finicky sitting there. I've recently been playing Cold War zombies and in order for me to sit through more than 2 games I have to have a podcast going on my phone to keep me entertained, or in-between multiplayer lobbies I'm up walking around my room messing around in my phone. Maybe it's because of hos long I've been playing and how much time I've put into games it no longer keeps me as entertained?? I'm not here to self diagnose, I just want to know how others feel But I've thought maybe this could be an adhd problem? I haven't talked to my doctor about this specific thing but I have been on lexapro for 2 years (anxiety/depression) and it's helped alot. I've never thought about adhd, I've never had many problems sitting through things, but the past year it's been so difficult to sit and play anything, to even watch a movie I'm not fully into is difficult. Ugh, idk what to do. Idk if this is blowing things out of proportion, if I'm just overthinking it. But I'd like some thoughts and advice. Thanks.
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