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SIB Final Fantasy XV?

Content of the article: "SIB Final Fantasy XV?"

So I was genuinely surprised how much I enjoyed the FFVII remake. I’m 38 and only started gaming at the beginning of the pandemic.

To me FFVII was peak 13 year old boy wish fulfillment, and I was so up for it after the good, but emotionally heavy story in The Last of Us 2.

The fantasy elements were incredible — the magic, the monsters, suspending disbelief that three cute girls would put up with Cloud’s angsty bullshit.

I mostly enjoyed the gameplay. It was kept me engaged, and I appreciated that I could compensate for lack of skill with good battle management. It was a nice change of pace from watching characters get dismembered by zombies because I suck at aiming.

Sometimes I did find myself a little frustrated with the level designs. They felt very restrictive, and some of the “puzzles” were plain silly. Like I just watched Cloud effortlessly spring 30 feet into the air one cutscene ago. Now we have to tackle the impossible problem of how to get to a ladder three and a half feet over his head?

I loved the humor, both intentional and unintentional. There were some wild scenes, but I don’t want to drag on about them. I also laughed pretty hard when they were riding the train and Barrett says they should split up to avoid, “looking conspicuous.” My guy, you’re a 400 lbs black dude with a Gatling gun for an arm. Inconspicuous isn’t on the menu.

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I had fun with all the characters, Cloud being the exception. One can only take him responding to sincere attempts at communication with awkward grunts so many times. I wanted to pull him aside, and say, “Kid, being aloof and guarded doesn’t make you cool. Once you’re old enough to shave you’ll realize that. Now give that girl an enthusiastic high five, or I’m taking your comically large broadsword until you learn to play nice.”

I was glad the writers gave other characters, particularly Aerith, ample opportunity to take the piss out of Cloud made. It made it palatable, but I wish there’d been more. I mean are we really not going to talk about his hair? You know one day Cloud will look back at his mythril-plated yearbook and wonder, “WTF was I thinking?”

On a serious note, it did seem like Cloud was suffering from PTSD. It would explain some of his behavior. But I’ve learned having PTSD does not automatically turn you into an asshole. I guess Cloud wasn’t interested in fighting that particular destiny.

Any way, this was an 8/10 game for me. If FFXV is any worse I’ll probably skip it, and go get impaled by some samurai.

But if it’s as good or better, at least as far as my particular hang ups are concerned, I’d gladly hop back on the Fantasy train.

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Thoughts? Opinions? Startling revelations that Tifa is closely based on a real woman who is now in her 30’s and improbably single?


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