Content of the article: "Why I’m so bad playing games? I don’t understand, it’s because Im missing something?"
Hey there guys, I’m “Rekuzi” and I feel I need to talk about this before I go insane. Basically I suck at games, I want get good but I can’t. Well coming from a poor family I never had a console when I was a kid. The only thing I had was a pc with Intel core duo + 1 GB of ram + a random low budget gpu from 2007. That pc was so bad that I would only play web games and NFS underground 2. I didn’t do much gaming until 2013 when I got a 2º hand ps3 with COD BO2.
That was the first time I got intro gaming for real. I got so addicted to that game and some of my friends at school had it as well. When I started to play with them I would get demolished.
I went to see videos on YouTube about perks and how to play better yet I still sucked. Fuck even my 4 years younger cousin would trash me. I got so demotivated that I swapped games.
I went to FIFA… Oh boy oh boy… As a youngster that don’t care much about football, knowing the players was key to win. So guest what happened? I got trashed so hard. So keep playing NFS Hot Pursuit 2010. That game was so amazing. And I didn’t have to compete with no one.
I went to a new school and there I made some new friends. I meet this guy that was in love with racing games as well and he had ps3 with NFS HP as well. So I added him… Well he smashed my autolog records in weeks. I felt like my proudness was getting away from me… NFS It’s the only game from my groups of friends I knew I had a chance. So I tried harder than ever… I manage to get some top scores back but overall he was better than me…
At that time I started to play LOL as a casual player because a friend recommended me to play it. I was lvl 10 spamming ashe vs the bots playing with 40 fps avg
Some time passed, I didn’t care as much about games… I only played league once a week (arams) or ps3. But then I got notice about an upcoming game from blizzard… Overwatch.
Bro those visuals and mechanics looked so appealing for me… I used to be sniper player on BO2 so I liked widow maker a lot. I started to see some videos about it… I even got some money and upgraded my pc so I can play it. I, a friend from school and my cousin got it on release day. We started playing together a lot. I was a Sniper, my homie was tank main and my cousin dps main. When ranked came by we all got platinum (old ranking system was like 47) I was happy because I felt I didn’t suck for once. But them sometimes we started to SoloQ. Those feeling quickly disappeared… I was hard stuck platinum while my friend tank main got to diamond… and about my cousin… He was a fucking top 500 player genji main… he even got some team invites but his mom being dumb about games and Esports didn’t let him go…
I keep playing by myself and getting more and more frustrated. I dropped the game when Moira launched (fuck that character) I peeked platinum reaper one trick 2799.
In mean time I was playing league for gods know since ever… I played as ADC and loved to see worlds and eu lcs. I was found of Rekkles and Uzi. So I started playing for real. Watching videos and a lot of stuff about the game. Watching streams of LS that coach in Korea. I remember once I send my op.gg to him on live. He said that if I wanted to improve I should focus in one champ… and of course he recommended Annie XD. I was a low silver player and I wanted a victorious skin. So I spammed vayne. 800 ranked games which 600 of them were as Vayne…
The season ended I was silver 1… I got depressed and fat… I had personal problems in IRL
My ex betrayed me and a lot of shit was going down as my parents were in divorce process…
So keep playing league… 6 to 8 hours a day. As finished school I didn’t go to university since I didn’t have money. I managed to get gold but I was brain dead. I would play in autopilot every game. Win lose win lose every time.
Some time passed and an old friend who had stopped playing LOL came back to the game. He used to be diamond. We started playing duos, He would go support and me as ADC. Then Kai’sa came out. She was basically a more forgiving and busted vayne so it was a no Brainier.
I got Gold 1 during the preseason and during the season I got Gold 2. After that 2019 came by and my friend had some money problems so he sadly sold his pc. I was by myself again… I was scared to getting bad again so I dropped the game as well. I started going to gym getting myself in shape. By the end of September I was already good mentally and physically and I started to going out with a girl that I had a dumb crush in high school. Everything was going fine. I didn’t care about my skill in games anymore. I was focused in my future. I stared organizing some lan tournaments in schools to get some money for the charity and school trips for those that didn’t have means. With that I meet some guys that were intro to making games. And I always liked to write stories to we team up to make indie games. We created a startup and we even got some funding. Live was going great. Them a Wild COVID appears!
We all started to work from home. As we started to get bored we started to play games. I installed league again and started playing some arams but I realized that my duo was online. I called him and he said he got like a cheap gaming laptop from ebay to play during the quarantine. We started playing ranked together but I was worse than ever, heck we used to be so good together and now… He even started to get mad at me…
I felt so frustrated that I dropped league once again. I swapped my focus to keep making the game. One night I was watching The Ballers (that series with the ROCK) I was watching the episode were they visit Riot HQ because they wanted to invest in esports. But I notice some weird characters on the Riot office walls. I went to google search about it and it turns out It was there new IP Project A that they showed on the 10 years event ( I didn’t see it ).
I got so hyped about it like when I saw Overwatch for the first time… I said to myself that would be my chance to be good at a game. When the beta keys started dropping I was one of firsts who got it. I played the heck of viper and sova. There I meet an ex Cs player. He said he was global elite, so I asked him to teach me the basics of competitive fps. He was a cypher main but he teached me the core mechanics about the game. How to pick angles, control pray, aim for the head, etc. When the rankeds came out he Hit Diamond 2 and I was gold 3. I was happy about it. He said if keep playing improving one day I will get high elo. The game came out officially and I started to play reyna and Jett. I got Gold 3 again but this time he wasn’t playing anymore. He never went online anymore… I was stuck in between Gold 1 and G3 up and down. So I started watching pro players like Tenz, wardell, Ska or even watching first strike events. I watched some videos about the arm posture of Kim fps coach on youtube. I started using AimLAB every day. I got Ruby 3 in aim labs I was like bro this is looking good. But in Valorant I keep losing… I had games that I was like 23/7/5 as Reyna and still lose. I got tilted that sometimes I would argue in VC with my teammates.
Yesterday I got a lose Streak and got demoted to Silver 3. I feel empty. I feel like shit. I have the good pc, I have good peripherals, I have good internet playing with 30ms avg, and I have a GF and good social life. I’m healthy… Yet not being good at any game makes me feel like shit. I feel like I don’t deserve this setup when people with setups 20x worse than mine trash me and win games. I feel like shit every time I see my rank in any competitive game… I need Help…
(TLTR: Any competitive game I played, I sucked on it and I don't know why but its afecting me hard… I need help)
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