Content of the article: "‘Twas the Night Before Darkmoon…"
‘Twas the night before Darkmoon,
yet the fairgrounds were still.
The rides were all empty,
the wind carried a chill.
Ringmaster Silas stood agog 'fore the gate
of a carnival show so hectic, so great
that his little faire held not a candle
to this inferno: the Tavern Pass scandal!
The whales and streamers,
F2P and memers,
The players as one, they gave a great shout:
Hang on now, Blizzard – this math doesn’t check out!
You have lowered the gold
(despite what we were told)
We are even more dust-poor
And yet cards – thirty-five more!
Silas donned his hat and raised his baton
“Just one thing to do – the show must go on!”
He put on the lights, set out prizes galore,
(and put Optimistic Ogre by the door).
And in came the crowds, ready to play!
Each class wants to know – will this be their day?
A brand-new set, a strategic eruption!
Even the cards have embraced the Corruption.
“Study demands reward!” says Uther with pride,
“Now come on recruits, let us try out this ride!
Relax, my dudes, we are all tier one.
Do we even need new cards to run?”
Mana Cyclone – er, Jaina – heads for games of chance,
“Random spells are old news, I'm ready to advance!”
And Silas grins: “You could say that, I guess –
But what if they're random AND cost three less?”
Speaking of cheats, Valeera's lurking near,
She's going back to a trick she holds dear.
She'll shuffle and shuffle 'til her shuffler is sore,
then she'll draw her whole deck, and shuffle in some more!
To the daring acrobats went Illidan’s Coin,
“Stay back, you foul cretins – I’m not looking to join!
I just want a trick for going face faster.
My games were too slow under the Headmaster.”
Three classes gather 'round the various creatures,
though each is considering different features.
Rexxar and his beasts plan to cover foes in scratches
(although it's the Secrets that will carry his matches).
Gul'dan scoops up all his tempo cards with glee,
"It's been so long, but now it's just Zoo and me!"
The menagerie doesn't hold Garrosh long,
he shrugs and replays the enrage-bomb song.
Malfurion sulks by the weight-guessing game,
“Remember when Choose One was my claim to fame?”
Silas claps a hand on the druid’s…knee,
“Something not right, friend? Just come with me…
Meet the new gods, the same as the old!”
Malfurion gaped! Options fourfold!
Run just a few spells, break C’thun into pieces,
"Well now, let’s just see if my win-rate increases!"
Thrall is nervous – he’s barely been relevant
but this mad faire seems to be his element.
Then he jumps – who’s this dwarf, with the blue on her face?
She hands him a hammer and says, “you know the place.”
As the classes hold tight to each new toy.
Anduin claps: “They’re all mine to enjoy!”
Silas smiles – this new set might be a success,
if Blizzard is willing to serve up redress.
Now rabbits, now carnies, now weapons, now Yogg decks!
On 'malgams, on pirates, on dragons, on some mechs!
He climbed up to Legend and led the cheer –
Happy Darkmoon to all – see you next year!
Thanks for reading! I’m no poet, but I couldn’t let this tradition die.
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