Heroes of the Storm

Development update from a parallel universe

Hello, community. With this year's Christmas event nearly complete and in an effort to improve communication, we're proud to announce the seasonal events for the next year!

First up, Christmas in July?! Who knew Christmas could come this early in the year! As a special thank-you, this summer event will have all the Christmas skins available instead of the regular summer skins, and we'll be using the UI normally exclusive to the Winter event in order to really get that feeling of Christmas being in July.

Next, Sandy Claws! Christmas comes early this year as spooky Saint Nick takes over our Halloween event, resulting in all Winter-exclusive skins to be available and the Winter event UI taking over the Fall event.

Finally, our Winter event. You know it, you love it…Christmas! Who doesn't love a good Christmas event to shake up the year? It's only once a year for you to get all those exclusive Winter-exclusive skins, but that's not all! It's also the time where people spend the most money, so that makes it our favorite time of the year!

And, due to community outreach, we'll be returning to four seasonal events per year! For 2022, our Spring event will be Christmas Stays for Overtime! In this rare event, Winter-exclusive skins will be made available for a short time.

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To further improve community relations and maximize transparency, I'd like to discuss the current conditions the Heroes of the Storm team is in. Some people may be concerned that Blizzard is cannibalizing the Heroes of the Storm development team and pushing them to other projects, and that maybe they've done this so aggressively that the team no longer has anyone capable of switching seasonal events.

I'm here to state that Blizzard is most certainly not doing that! In fact, Blizzard has prioritized the development of HotS so heavily, they chose to protect us from the potential spread of covid-19 by welding us into the offices in March of 2020. They provided us food through a hole bored into the ceiling in exchange for our paycheck, at least until January of this year.

As you may have heard, there were cutbacks within the company. We may have made recordbreaking profits with the release WoW's newest expansion and more, but we were required to make additional sacrifices for the good of the company. For this reason, we've been disallowed from receiving food from the upper floors.

In order to remedy this issue, we've built a great shrine to our glorious golden god, Robert Kotick. We call this the Tiki of Koh, or the Koticki. In times of starvation, we have sacrificed the developers that are least faithful to the divine purpose of continued development for Blizzard for good fortune and fresh meat. Therefore, we can say with great certainty that it is not Blizzard that is cannibalizing the development team, but us.

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Unfortunately, the sacrifice made in the first week of February was the last developer that had ever touched the seasons subsystem for Heroes of the Storm. The rumor of consuming the brain of a developer is untrue, it does not give you their professional experience. We are very sorry for this oversight and are currently looking for alternative methods of continuing development.

I nearly forgot: No updates on skins, mounts, recolors of either, hero reworks, or new heroes. Don't expect an update within the next 14 months. Please direct your prayers and material sacrifices to sending us food or additional unpaid interns, as those were the first ones the Koticki received. If you are able, please consider donating to us either through the game via Boost purchases or by sending goats, children, or anything you believe might sate the glorious golden god's bloodlust. Please remember to provide holes within the container and make the container no larger than a 3.5 foot diameter, so it can fit through the hole.

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