League of Legends

To the residents of Leagueoflegends, a letter

To my dear friends in the League of Legends subreddit, I trust this letter finds you in good health. Forgive me for my lack of correspondance over the past few weeks, but recently other more worldly matters have demanded my utmost attention.

I write to you today in deepest melancholy. Yesterday, my friends and I attempted to play Clash. I am currently ranked Gold 4 (quite an improvement since my last letter you will agree, if you would pardon me the indulgence of a moment of personal satisfaction), and my teammates are mid-low Platinum. Yet upon my arrival in our Clash bracket I was most displeased to discover that my opponents for this evening's first game were to be a full house of Masters and Diamond 1 players. Not only that, but should we have triumphed over them through what I can only imagine to be a series of very unlikely events, the second team we were slated to face was comprised of four Diamond 1 players and a Master player.

To reiterate: I am Gold 4 0LP and, according to my most recent SoloQ teammates, hardstuck at that. O! why must I match up versus the top 0.3% of EUW athletes? Surely, in all the vastness of League's international player base, there are five other players closer to my level? I know that one of my friends is currently in Loser's Queue, but I find it very unfair that this should extend to Clash too.

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As a result, my team's amusement was cut short as we immediately surrendered, insulted that the tournament organisers would seek to humiliate us so by offering us up as nothing more than an amuse-bouche against these titans of eSport. I expect a full reimbursement of our entry fee and a signed letter of apology, as well as a thorough investigation into the root cause of this matchmaking faux-pas. I consider it very poor form on the organizer's part to set up such a dishonourable travesty. This is akin to asking that Jackson Paul fellow to fight the ever-pecunious Sir Floyd Mayweather.

Alas! I fear this may have been the final straw for my teammates, whose incredulous displeasure far surpassed my own. 'Twere already a herculean task to rally the troops for this final bout, as several recent losses and the laughably poor recompense for such a chronophageous investment had already doused somewhat their competitive fires. Perhaps it is time to move on and search for a more uniform line-up. A pity; for these fine fellows are among the best comrades a gentleman could wish for, and our merry times on the battlefield have been a highlight of this season's sport. In the spirit of recreating anew such a colourful squad, would you be interesting in partaking of a sip of that most bittersweet beverage, competition?

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Yours sincerely, Ladzserus, Esq.

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