Monster Hunter World

THE GOLDEN IGUANA POLEDANCER OF MY ASS

Content of the article: "THE GOLDEN IGUANA POLEDANCER OF MY ASS"

Yeah, I'm talking about MR Kulve "Fuck you for trying to farm a good elemental weapon for Alatreon" Taroth

TLDR: FUCK MR KT

First of all, I'm a Fiver, I just "recently" bought MHW:I for PC and I'm "only" 200 hours in.

I raged at some BS hitboxes (looking at you Nergibomb, "BuT tHe SpIkEs HiT yOu" my ass), I raged at Rajang and Lunastra for being the absolute definition of Artificial Difficulty, I raged at Bullshithemoth for having a fight that has NOTHING to do with this game, I raged at Tigrex and BTigrex for being the monster with the most uninspired moveset EVER (even Gran Jagras has a more inspired moveset than that asshole), but MR Kulve Taroth farming… oh boy…

First of all, WHY THE FUCK THE HITBOX ON HER TAIL IS AS BIG AS A FUCKIN' C130?

Like, seriously, half of the time her tail completely clips under the ground or the attack is so goddamn wide that even if you run away faster than Asafa Powell the attack is STILL GOING TO HIT YOU.

Second, THAT FUCKING FLAME BREATH ATTACK!

Like holy shit on a stick covered in sugar and sold to a prick, that thing comes out so fast that you BARELY have any time to react to it and it chunks away at like 3/4 of your health. I can accept the damage, she's supposed to be a "raidboss" so it makes sense that she hits like a truck, BUT AT LEAST GIVE SOME TIME TO REACT TO WHAT SHE'S DOING CRAPCOM!

Read more:  My best effort to explain Alatreon's Elemental mechanics. I genuinely want you guys to succeed like I have.

Third, SHE ZONES SO GODDAMN MUCH!

If you get far from her to heal after her ultra-fast flame breath attack, she's just going to spam AoE attacks until the time runs out. Like seriously, half of the time it feels like I'm playing against one of those zoning characters from a Fighting Game.

Oh by the way… THE TIMER

ARE YOU SERIOUS? I GET THE DPS TIMER ON THE SIEGE, BUT ON A 50 MINUTES SLAY MISSION??? LIKE WTF???

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU RUN AWAY IN YOUR FINAL PHASE??? YOU'RE ENRAGED AND I JUST BROKE YOUR FUCKIN' KNEECAPS, FOREARMS AND HORNS BY SPINNING ON YOU AFTER A WALLRUN LIKE I'M FUCKIN' CAPTAIN LEVI ON CRACK AND YOU STILL HAVE THE AUDACITY TO RUN AWAY??? AND AFTER YOU RUN AWAY I CAN'T EVEN CARVE YOUR STUPID HORNS??? WHY??? FUCK YOU YOU STUPID GOLDEN IGUANA!

OH, AND HERE COMES THE BEST PART…

THE ELDER MELDER MORE LIKE THE ELDER SCAMMER!

LOOK, I JUST WANT A FUCKING ICE KJARR WEAPON FOR ALATREON, I'M NOT ASKING FOR MUCH, BUT CAN YOU PLEASE NOT GIVE ME ANOTHER GOD DAMN BLAST HAMMER? I ALREADY OWN THE RAGING "MICHAEL BAY" BRACHYDIOS ONE AND YOURS IS EVEN A SHITTIER VERSION!

I HOPE YOU FALL IN THAT GIANT POT OF YOURS AND DIE BURNING IN HOT METAL YOU STUPID MIDGET FUCKER!

Read more:  My thoughts on the monster hunter movie.

But all things considered, I'm loving this game.

Source: reddit.com

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