[Satire] How to Unranked to GM

So you play Overwatch for a living. It's a 12 hour work day and up to 7 days a week. You and your fellow top500 gamers are so inflexible that it causes 60 minute queue times for a comp game. You're tired of not having enough players for to find a game so the matchmaker fills your game with masters players. You feel the dullness of the game creeping into you again. What do you do? It's time to start your yearly smurf stream unranked to GM series!

Here are the basics: Stream on twitch solo queue games from bronze/unranked to GM, Post your videos on YouTube disguised as educational content, and hope that the next season starts or the next competitive esports game drops so you can do play something else for 3 months.

Use my guide below to best disguise your troll escapades and label yourself as a content creator.

1) actually be GM/top500: You need a viewer-base feed your ego and fight against the haters that call out your smurfing. By being better than 90% of the player-base, you'll ensure that the challenge is not actually a challenge. Be sure to instalock the character you want to play. Never swap and never explain to your teammates what your doing. If someone takes your character then throw the game or leave early.

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2) aquire a new account and level it to 25: You can't be bothered to do this yourself. You're too busy paying ranked on stream and playing offstream is just more work for you. Instead, have a friend or fan play the game to level 25 for you. Make sure it's an average pleb. You can also buy an account from someone else. Don't mind that this is against Blizzard TOS

3) You need to throw your games when leveling up to 25: We all know your first ranked games and placements are based on your performance when leveling up to 25. If you play in custom games with people your own sill level or try hard in QP, you'll accidentally place close to your actual rank. You want to drag this out as long as possible so you need to make sure you place plat or below. You need to throw your games

4) Never call your gameplay as smurfing: Make sure suck in enough viewers by calling your content as educational. You're going to accidentally boost players to ranks they dont belong to. Avoid your gameplay being called boosting or smurfing by labeling it as educational.

5) Between deaths and games, spout off some tips and tricks: These can be the same comments you repeat in your regular games, tips from reddit, or tips from replays, or tips from other youtube videos. As long as you same something in your downtime, you'll avoid some criticism and have your fans simp for you.

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Congrats. You have all the knowledge you need to start your unranked to GM series. There are no consequences for smurfing so you can rinse and repeat every time you get bored of playing Overwatch.

Source: reddit.com

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