Red Dead Redemption (RDR2)

Reptile Theft

Recently, playing Red Dead Online, I committed the number one highest crime in the wild west, stealing a goddamn gator. Riding into Valentine, on my way to purchase a Bolt-Action Rifle, I found a man sitting atop a large horse near the train station. Closer to the train station, by the hitching posts, were two women sitting, guarding, it seemed. As I passed by this group of dangerous looking gunslingers, I noticed something lying on the ground behind the man on the large horse. A single, dead alligator. Now of course I found this interesting, considering the fact that we were in the middle of Valentine, miles away from the swamps that the gators naturally inhabit. The madman before me had murdered this alligator, lassoed it, and dragged it all the way to the Great Plains. "Why?", I hear you ask. Who fucking knows. All that matters is that, I took the logical course of action, and attempted to take the alligator for myself. In a deep southern accent, I heard the man say, "Don't touch m'gator!", as I tossed my lasso around it's neck. A violent tug-of-war began between me and the gator killer. The stakes? One dead dinosaur. The man spurred his horse and took off. Naturally, with the advantage of being on horseback, my opponent effectively won the tug-of-war, causing me to tumble to the ground. I stood up to dust myself off and accept my defeat as I watched the man and his alligator carcass ride off into the sunset. Thinking all was finished, I proceeded to walk back towards my horse, so I could ride gator-less to the gun store, and purchase my new rifle. But, to my everlasting surprise, that wasn't the end of my tale. The two women had seen me attempt to steal their leader's newfound prize, and did not take kindly to it. As I walked away from the scene I was riddled with fifty, maybe sixty bullets, unaware of the horrendous atrocity I had just committed. I do not seek sympathy, for it was a reasonable and completely sane reaction to me attempting to steal a man's dead ass alligator. All I seek is to teach a lesson, so others may learn from my wrongdoings. My lesson is the most important of all, never, ever, fuck with a man's dead reptile.

Read more:  Which horse is fastest? I did time trials to find out.

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