TLDR: Both Ben and Tony helped Peter. Ben showed him the responsibility of his power while Tony showed him the responsibility of being a hero. The reason Peter becomes so quickly attached to Tony is because he fills the role of a father figure after Ben died. And Peter takes Tony's death so hard because Ben died. He takes the death so much harder than Bens because he believes this is the second time a father figure he loved died because he didn't do enough. Ben helped Peter become Spider-Man, while Tony helped Peter live up to his full potential as Spider-Man.
I know a lot of people hate how Uncle Ben seems to have been replaced by Tony, but it makes sense for me. Its safe to assume that Peter is relatively new to being Spider-Man when Civil War occurred, which means Uncle Ben passed away recently. Uncle Ben guided Peter through his life up to then, so Peter obviously has a hole in his life after he passes. And then, here comes a man who invites Peter to join him in helping take down Captain freaking America. Giving him an upgraded suit, advice, and just being a mentor to him. Uncle Ben helped Peter Parker grow into Spider-Man. Tony Stark helped Spider-Man live up to his full potential. While Uncle Ben helped Peter learn about responsibility, Tony showed Peter how to handle it.
As for why Tony grows connected to Peter, Peter enters his life during a rough time. He and Pepper had grown apart (I think), and Captain America, the boy scout, is turning against him in a time of uncertainty. The team that Tony helped build is literally entering a civil war. And then he finds a kid in sweats on YouTube who stops a car from hitting a bus with his bare hands. He meets a kid who does what he does because no one else can. Because he feels he has a responsibility to help others. Someone similar to Captain America, except this kid believes in Tony. Trusts Tony. So Tony grows connected to this kid, truly believing he can be one of the best.
Then when Homecoming happens we see Tony influence Peter deeply. Show him that a hero doesn't need to fight world ending robots, aliens, or terrorists, to make a difference. All a hero is, is someone who helps others. He shows Peter that someone doesn't need to fight a world ending threat to be a hero, a hero can simply just be someone who helps an old lady by giving them directions. Tony is a father figure for Peter, in a time when he desperately needs one. Yes, in the comics Peter was able to grow into an amazing Spider-Man without Tony, but Tony makes it so much easier to live up to his potential.
And in Far From Home, the reason why we see Peter struggle SO much more with Tony's death then Bens, is because this is the second time this has happened to him. This is the second time when a father figure who has helped guide him throughout important moments in his life passes away. And Peter sees this as his fault, because he sees Ben's death as his fault as well. He sees both the death of Ben and Tony as his fault because both times he thinks he didn't do enough. He didn't stop the robber who killed Ben and he didn't stop Thanos, who led Tony to his heroic death. So the fact that Peter has so much grief over Tony isn't just because he couldn't save him. It's because this is the second time he couldn't save his someone close to him. First Ben, and now Tony.
If you disagree, that's fine, we all interpret these movies differently and in the end, we all love Spider-Man. This is just my opinion.
(Excuse any spelling errors.)
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