Super Smash Bros

Because it’ll never happen: my idea for a Fighter Pack for Guybrush Threepwood!

Life tip: Never start ironically asking for impossible characters, because then you’ll start unironically wanting them. I know Guybrush will never be added even if we had ten fighter passes, but Monkey Island is a great series and a classic gaming icon that would honestly feel right at home in Smash. What’s more he’d rep a genre completely absent in Smash, the point-and-click adventure genre. So, because it will never happen, here are my ideas for what Guybrush Threepwood of Monkey Island could bring to Smash, and why you should fill Sakurai’s inbox with requests for him. But first, because it hasn’t been relevant in a while so the young ones may not know:

What the fuck is a Guybrush?

Guybrush Threepwood is a mighty pirate and the hero of the Monkey Island series, created by LucasArts. LucasArts was famous for its point-and-click adventure games in the 90s, many of which rank among the best games of all time, let alone in the genre. And among these, the Monkey Island is their crowning jewel. It takes place in the Caribbean during the Golden Age of Piracy, but like most LucasArts games, it is very tongue-and-cheek and funny. Guybrush is the protagonist, a babyfaced young man who wants to be the most fearsome pirate of all. In his adventures he comes across the lovely and feisty Elaine Marley and the evil zombie pirate LeChuck. As an adventure game character, Guybrush can incorporate many puzzles, items and jokes in his moveset.

The games in the series are: Secret of Monkey Island (SoMI), Monkey Island 2 (MI2), Curse of Monkey Island (CoMI), and Escape from Monkey Island (EfMI). These were the original LucasArts games, but there was also one more, Tales of Monkey Island, made by Telltale, as well as remakes of the first two games.

Entrance Animation: Guybrush is shot from a cannon onto the stage. His head gets stuck on the floor and his butt is on fire, just as his animation arriving in Monkey Island in the original game


With not much combat to pull from, I thought most of his normals could use or reference well-known items or puzzles from the series. For example:

Neutral combo: This combo features a string of martial arts moves taken from Monkey Kombat from EfMI

Side Tilt: Swings the Rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle from SoMI

Up Tilt: Swings the red herring, also from SoMI

Down tilt: a rockstar slide where Guybrush shreds a banjo, in reference to the

from CoMI

Neutral Air: Spins around a wet towel from CoMI

Up Air: pokes upwards with the Idol of Many Hands from SoMI

Front Air: Pokes with the paralyzed Jojo the Monkey from MI2

Back Air: Pokes backwars with a chicken from Puerto Pollo, from CoMI

Down Air: Similar to Steve, Guybrush spawns a ship’s anchor that brings him down.

Grab: Guybrush has a long range grab using the extendable banana picker from SoMI

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Dash Attack: Guybrush trips over himself to add some slapstick

Smash Attacks: His smash attacks are sword slashes. I know, I know, and we can think of other attacks for his up and down smashes, but his side smash needs to be his sword, for reason we’ll discuss soon.


Neutral Special- Phlegm and Tonic: This special references the spitting contest from Monkey Island 2. A simple button press will have Guybrush spit a simple, weak, short-ranged yellow spit. If you hold the button, you charge the special in stages. The charging animation is Guybrush drinking from a green liquid (with a curly straw) hidden in his coat. Guybrush’s charged spit changes from yellow, to blue, to green. Each stage is stronger and travels farther and faster.

Side special – Roller Coaster: Again, similar to Steve, his side special summons a roller coaster cart, referencing the


Up special – Cannon: Guybrush is fired out of a cannon, wearing a pot on his heads, referencing the Flying Brothers’c Cannon from SoMI. It can be angled.

Down Special – Insult Swordfighting: Possibly the most iconic puzzle in adventure games history, so of course it has to be part of his. Press Down B and Guybrush will insult his opponent. This doesn’t do any damage, but it does have some effect on the opponent, though I’m not quite sure what it would be. Maybe paralyze them like Mewtwo’s? Maybe make them trip. Maybe turn them around, as if they’re fleeing. I’m not sure, but something like that, and which especially leaves them open for an attack, and if it’s a sword slash it does extra damage. Now, most of the iconic Monkey Island insults are too long to be used as a quick attack, so maybe he says a shortened version. So, instead of, say, “You fight like a dairy farmer”, he just says “Dairy farmer!” Don’t worry the full insults are still there. We’ll get to them.

Final Smash – Voodoo Doll: Referencing the climax of Monkey Island 2, in which Guybrush creates a voodoo doll of LeChuck to destroy him. Guybrush pulls out a voodoo doll of his opponents (maybe for high-effort, create a unique doll for each fighter), and the fighter stars floating helplessly. Guybrush stabs the doll a bunch with a syringe, like in the game, causing damage to the opponent. Guybrush then slams the doll on his fist, and the fighter is slammed on the ground. Finally, Guybrush tosses the doll away and the fighter is launched to the blast zone.


Up taunt – insults: HERE we get the full insults. Guybrush can say any of the following:

“You fight like a dairy farmer”

“You’ll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab”

“Every enemy I’ve met, I’ve annihilated”

“I’ve heard you were a contemptible sneak”

“I have never seen such clumsy swordplay” (extra salt against swordies)

“There are no words for how disgusting you are”

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Etc. Maybe there’s even a chance Guybrush will whiff and say “I’m shaking! I’m shaking!” or “I am rubber you are glue”

Side taunt – Behind you!: Guybrush points behind the opponent and shouts “Look behind you! A three-headed monkey!”

Up taunt – Look at: Here’s a fun one. Use this taunt, and a classic point-and-click cursor appears over the opponent, and the words “Look at ” in the classic LucasArts font will appear above. Guybrush will then make a short, funny comment about the fighter. This works regardless of the stage.

Victory animations: All of which reference one of Guybrush’s most iconic quotes

Up: Guybrush plants his sword on the ground and proudly says “I’m a mighty pirate!”

Side: Guybrush is wearing a Smash-themed shirt. He looks down at it and says “I won the match, and all I got was this stupid shirt!”

Down: Guybrush looks to the distance and says “Never pay six bucks for a DLC character”

Alternate costumes: The first four costumes have his outfits from the four LucasArts games. The next four have the same outfits, but recolored.

Costume 1: His classic look from SoMI

Costume 2: His look from MI2

Costume 3: His look from CoMI

Costume 4: His look from EfMI

Costume 5: Same as 1, but recolored pink and black, with brown hair to reference Elaine Marley, Guybrush’s love interest and governor of Melee Island.

Costume 6: Same as 2, but recolored red and green, with black hair to reference LeChuck, the demon ghost pirate, and main villain of the series.

Costume 7: Same as 3, but recolored with striped red and green pants and green hair, to reference the Voodoo Lady, a character who helps (or does she?), Guybrush in the games.

Costume 8: Same as 4, but recolored light brown with white hair to reference Herman Toothrot, the hermit of Monkey Island.

Other ideas include Guybrush covered in feathers(, or Guybrush in a pink dress

Stage: Monkey IslandTM: The eponymous location of the series, the mysterious Monkey IslandTM. And yes, it would have the TM, as it does in the actual games, but I won’t keep using it here for the sake of legibility. The stage would take place on the carcasses of wrecked pirate ships off the shore of the tropical Monkey Island. On land you can see some features of the island such as the volcano, the cannibal village and the Giant Monkey Head. Some monkeys will show up on the beach in the background.

The stage itself has two big sections made of wrecked ships, with some water in the middle you can fall in. Occasionally, one of the recurring Monkey Island characters will appear on a smaller boat in the middle, creating a platform there. These characters are Elaine Marley, LeChuck, the Voodoo Lady, Stan S Stanmann and Herman Toothrot.

Murray the Evil Skull will also appear somewhere on the stage. He doesn’t do anything, but you can kick him around and he’ll complain. Very rarely (same chances as Liquid Metal Slime in Yggdrasil’ Altar), a three headed monkey will appear.

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Monkey Island 2 Medley – MI2 has a great soundtrack, but few songs that stand out, so a medley works great

And most importantly

Victory theme is a short snippet of the Monkey Island theme


Elaine Marley: You fight Peach with an ally Guybrush and tiny Diddy Kong representing her pet monkey. Stage is Delfino Plaza representing Melee Island

LeChuck: Legend Spirit. A King K. Rool that favors neutral specials. He starts the battle invisible, then gains a curry, then becomes giant and metal. This represents LeChuck’s forms as a ghost, a fire demon, and a giant statue. Stage is Monkey Island

Voodoo Lady: Represented by Bayonetta, who is also a witch. Stage is Luigi’s Mansion. Several Cuccos appear in the fight, to represent both the rubber chicken and chickens used in voodoo.

Stan S Stanmann: Represented by Wario, also a sleazy salesman. Stage is Pirate Ship. Enemy is distrcted by items. Wario is also super fast to represent Stan’s mannerisms.

Herman Toothrot: Represented by old man ganondorf. Stage is Monkey Island. Several tiny Diddy Kongs help in this battle.

Mii costumes: these are taken from other LucasArts games. A Brawler costume based on Full Throttle’s Ben; a gunner costume based on Maniac Mansion’s Purple Tentacle; and a swordfighter costume based on Grim Fandango’s Manny.


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