Content of the article: "Zain is the reason I will never be good at Melee."
Hear me out. I love Melee. I think it is an amazing, difficult, sick fucking game that rewards the better player almost all the time. Having a good stock/game/match in Melee is the epitome of going sicko mode in a video game. And, at most levels and under most circumstances, your skill is directly responsible for how much of a God you are in any given match. Problem is, that stops being true if you're playing a low tier.
This motherfucker has convinced my heart that Roy is actually good. Roy is not good. I know that he's not good. In my head, I see that ridiculous limp dick wet noodle dogshit wacky waving inflatable arm tube sword that "rewards" poor spacing as the worst disjointed hitbox in the game. It does no damage, it has no knockback, no shield pressure, offers next to no mixups, and is terribly outclassed by most other characters' bread and butter options. It's simply terrible.
But my heart still thinks he's sick. And that, my friends, is the reason I will never be good at this game. I've seen too many gsu-Marcurial clips. I've witnessed side b edgeguards at the ledge. I've popped off while Zain money matched whatever player (it literally doesn't even matter. They've all gotten sauced) and destroyed them with weak fair to suicide dair. And, like many of my ex girlfriends, I've lost track of how good they actually are for me and have become too enamored with how good they look when they put makeup on and hang with a real chad like Zain.
So honestly? Fuck you Zain. I lose all the time now. I can't remember the last time I won a Slippi set. Most people literally just leave the game when I actually manage to do a combo because they think they're getting posterized on stream. I don't even fucking stream. I gain nothing from the false confidence I've gained from watching you play. You have ruined Melee for me, forever.
I hope Mango 3-0's you next time you two play in bracket.
- A randoms thoughts on Slippi week 3 matchups. So fun
- Is it fair to judge optional content in a game?
- I Really Fucking Hate Far Cry 2
© Post "Zain is the reason I will never be good at Melee." for game Super Smash Bros.
Top 7 NEW Games of June 2020
Quite a few exciting games are releasing for PC, PS4, Xbox One, and Nintendo in June. Here's what to keep an eye on.
Top 10 NEW Open World Games of 2020
Video games with open worlds continue to roll out in 2020 on PC, PS4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, and beyond. Here are some to look forward to!
Top 10 Best New Upcoming Games 2020-2021
The best selection of games which will be released in 2020 and 2021 for PS4, PS5, Xbox One, Xbox Series X, Google Stadia and PC - and you can watch in amazing UHD 4K and 60FPS with latest updates about all of the games in this list!