REMINDER: There are 48 hours left until the vote closes for the Mod of the Month, if you think Skeever earned it, please Vote, thank you.
It's you again! No, not you, ME, I mean it's me again and I am still one of you, I haven't changed sides, I haven't moved from my cubicle to the manager's coffee station or the upper partner bathroom, I'm still in the cubicle, I'm still on my PC, and nothing has changed apart from additional work with the same pay, OH, wait, I don't get paid LOL.
What I mean to say is that I am torn, I am torn between 2 worlds and I had 1 of them all my life and it's a cuddling, safe, and quiet (most of the time….maybe) place.
Should I ask you to vote for Skeever on Nexus, should I push and ask the people to Vote for Skeever for the mod of the month? I guess I just did, well, not 100%, I usually write what I feel, this usually started really not so long ago lol, I am naive, I am child-like (not childish, though sometimes…) I am gullible, I started my morning varifying my google account again, I can't stop creating more on Creation Kit because I am addicted now, no feeling goes away, I'm hooked.
Maybe some of you will say, oh, I really wanted to Vote but forgot, then to me it will mean everything, and although you would have voted, you did not, what if the other mod authors do their best? I am sure, no, I can't be sure……they do, but I can be 100% sure they have more friends than me! That is guaranteed (sad really), my point is if I love Skeever so much and adore the community who has accepted me and supported me so much, should I not "Fight for the Mod of the Month" I am told by "someone I know" (not a real friend) that's it's a one-time thing and that the first month is the one who will be the deciding factor.
Great, no pressure, I tell ya!!! I sure wish I had a little P.R angel on my shoulder (I could trust- is that a thing?) helping me handle all this…well, P.R stuff. The other day someone on Discord asked me what is my part in the Skeever mod, I guess they did so because I am always handling issues on Discord, (not big enough to have moderators I guess), I didn't give a direct answer, to which I kind of regret, but will correct it and write up the reply after this post, a reply which is, ……I met a few people on Discord and some helped me understand issues and they are amazing, I placed them in the Credits on the Nexus and the Bethesda site, I don't think Skeever would have been possible without their help.
apart from that, which is a big deal to me, I created Skeever myself, learned about Creation Kit, designed the new location, wrote the lines, and did the voices yes, I did Ratmouth's voice too, not sure if it's easy to tell or not.
I know so many of you….No, in fact, every single comment so far (in my eyes) was supportive and constructive, but I do feel like I failed, I am sorry to tell you, I feel like this process is changing me, I am not sure that I would have asked people to Vote for Skeever on Nexus for the Mod of the Month if you think Skeever deserves it. It's just not something I want to do from the bottom of my heart, it's NOT.
I would be happy to see Skeever in the big image, it would feel nice to win, but not if I have to go around all social media, adding friends (which I don't) begging groups to post my stuff (which I don't) asking friends to help out (which I don't, neither do I have real-life friends, used to, not anymore, they left, they all left, which is to say, I left to live in China lol, not my fault LOL- IT IS!! but I digress, as usual.
SO, why post here? Because I feel comfortable here, I want to write freely on a forum filled with people that know more about pretty much everything than I do, filled with people that are smarter than me, that went to college, that are educated, and do not need a dictionary to write lines for Skeever, because their vocabulary is small like mine. People that English for them comes easy because it's their first language, I'm hiding, always hiding….AH#&&^,
Did this post start as a way for me to ask you to Vote for Skeever? I think it did, gosh, after writing all this, I feel like…. a bit better actually, very therapeutic LOLOLOLOL!
I write here and nowhere else, not will I spend time in attempting to convince people to vote, ENOUGH! There are much better mods out there, mods with teams behind them, more work, better quality, and so on, this is no joke, it is the truth, so, if I see Skeever has fewer votes or more, I'll be honest, I will be happy, really! I will because I have chosen to do something and did it, it's my responsibility, whether it turns out right or wrong.
Let's say this post is half about voting, shall we? 🙂
Oh, wow, this is the end of the post, I feel so much different than when I had started writing it, strange, wasn't expecting that…mmm, you know I'm thinking of deleting some stuff….but I like my mistakes, they help me learn,,,,yeah yeah….saying the things I know I should again….I don't really like my mistakes, I regret them constantly and feel so much Shame for them. But it's good advice I guess.
Ahhh, almost deleted it, Nah, gonna leave it all here, someone will read all the post, right?
Love you all,
thanks for the support,
Steven – Skeever's father,
Some of the little guttersnipes (I actually really love them) at the school started calling me Skeever because everyone knows what I'm working on! I kind of like it lol
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