The Elder Scrolls

Svaen The Inebriated: Thirteenth Entry

Content of the article: "Svaen The Inebriated: Thirteenth Entry"

27th of Last Seed, 3E 427 (Day 13, 20th Hour)

I’ve made my way back to Balmora. I decided to go to check out the Eight Plates, I was hungry after traveling all night after all. An elf named Itermerel came up to me and said that I seemed like the type of person that knew how to keep themselves protected. He somehow knew that I was in the mages guild, he told me that he would give me his notes on Oblivion if I helped him travel to Pelagiad. I obliged.

"One of us looks more stoned than the other, the question is: Who?"

It wasn’t a very long trip. As a matter of fact, it took about two hours. On our way, a dame by the name of Maurrie Aurmine stopped me and asked if I had been jumped recently. I, hesitantly, told her no . She gave me a ‘heartfelt’ story about how her robber was very attractive and that she’d like to meet him. That damn idiot. Apparently, she found out, not only his name, but also his favorite drinking hole. It’s almost as if, while he was tearing her jewels away from her, shouted, “HEY, THE NAME’S NELOS, I’M A THREE-BRAIN-CELLED TROGLODYTE! I’M A DRUNKARD THIEF, I HANG OUT AT THE HALFWAY TAVERN!! AND, TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I WANNA SMASH!!!!”

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Halfway Tavern – Home of the downtrodden, brethren, and three-brain-celled troglodytes

When I found him I told him about her and showed her glove. Itermerel was sitting at the bar counter impatiently. The conversation didn’t last long. He told me that he was ecstatic. Good for you buddy. He told me to give her a note that he wrote. I’m not a damn messenger. I could see that I had the advantage though, so I took it. On our way out, Itermerel told me that since we were in town, he could take it from there. He gave me the notes as promised and I made my way to Maurrie Aurmine.

On my way there, I might have changed the note to read:

“Ayy baby. I’m sorry for trying to jump you; but, I’ve got a WICKED LARGE DONG! It’s all yours. Just meet me at Addamasartus cave in Seyda Neen. Be seeing you.”



The look on her face was priceless. It seemed as if she was almost willing to give into her primal urges and to take Nelos up on the offer. I helped her realize how stupid of a decision it was trying to save Nelos and I didn’t even have to tell her to her face. I’m a genius.

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Source: reddit.com

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