Total War

I hate Skaven

Content of the article: "I hate Skaven"

TLDR; I have a mild distaste for Skaven

When WHII launched, the Skaven was one of the least developed races. Now, after a few DLCs, they're easily one of the most fleshed-out and mechanicly rich factions, with an extensive roster to boot. Words can't describe how much I hate them …

It's not even the fact that they easily confederate and always seem to build enormous empires in every game I play. It's not even that they breed like figurative rats and can access tier 5 units magnitudes quicker than any other race. It's also not that they are found in EVERY CORNER of the known world, with the lates DLC adding EVEN MORE subfactions in the badlands. These things irk me. But they are only a fraction of the reason for why the vermintide is the singular, uncontested and easily most rage inducing part of this game.

First, there's the roster. Skaven have some of the strongest units in the game. Their infantry is weak, but their missiles, lords, a r t i l l e r y, and most of all the GOD DAMNED WEAPON TEAMS, are magnitudes ahead of comparable units at equal tiers. A single plague-claw catapult can delete several elite infantry units within seconds. And frankly, I'd rather figh a dozen star dragons than a single ratling gun. This problem is further magnified by the sheer number of armies they can field. This is true for most AI races, but is particularily noticable when 5000 thousand hidden rats armed with laser cannons run screaming out of the forest at mach 10 speed. It doesn't matter what difficulty you play, any fight against a late game skaven army will leave hundreds of your units as warp-burned husks. A special shout out to doom-flayers, who might at just as well be ethereal, seeing as they can drift through Ironbreakers while blasting Eurobeat.

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Secondly, you have the collective number of mechanics that these thrice blasted rat fucks enjoy on the overworld AND on the battlefield. Oh, you play a defensive face who rely on artillery? Well enjoy my 14 SUMMONS OF CLAN RATS! Summons that, even if you react quick enough to kill them, WILL STILL DELETE YOU UNIT WITH WARP BOMB! Then, theres stalk-stance. Fuck that shit with a barbed bat. It turns any defensive battle with the skaven into a slaughter, denies you your own reinforcements, but STILL ALLOWS FOR THEIR REINFORCEMENTS! It makes me moderately upset. And even if you manage to rout the furry bastards, you won't be able to express your violent gratitude as they s c u r r y – a w a y at brisk pace. So, you hide in your settlements and cry as a single Pestilent Scheme Priest blesses the entire continent with ebola for 50 turns.

Finally, there's all the littles quirks that really drive the nail home. Why is it that dwarfs only rarely will build walls in minor settlements, but the skaven AI seem to have it HARD CODED TO BUILD GARRISONS IN EVERY SINGLE CITY? It doesn't help that their garrison are at nightmare to fight. Not only because of artillery, but also because tier 5 skaven towers deal more damage than overcasted spirit leech, and makes me wanna put a tooth-pick under my nail and kick it into a wall. Don't even think about using siege towers, as the twisted cousins of Stuart Little will punish your arrogance by wiping out your Swordmasters with a single warp lightning (3 Mana BTW). After this, I'm not surprised if you'd rather just leave the vermin for someone else, and auto-resolve the few battles you absolutely have to fight. At least they aren't unreasonably strong in auto-resolve as well … oh wait.

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