World of Warcraft

A Theory on the First Ones, the Jailer, and the Pantheon of Death

Content of the article: "A Theory on the First Ones, the Jailer, and the Pantheon of Death"

WARNING: Spoilers and walls of text ahead. You have been warned…

Alright, I figure I'm not the only one whose had this theory, but I haven't seen anyone else talking about it and I thought I'd get this off my chest.

So, our up-and-coming road trip to the afterlife is going to be taking up deeper into the Warcraft Cosmology than we've ever been before. On top of that interesting book that was discovered a little while ago, we've gotten some interesting little tidbits about the Covenant leaders, the Jailer, and some new guys pulled out of the cosmic asshole called the "First Ones". I've been doing some fine-ass coke thinking on these things, and I believe I have a theory that ACTUALLY might be true!


PANTHEON OF DEATH——————————————————————————————————————–

So, it turns out that the Titans aren't the only pantheon in town. The guys in charge of running the Shadowlands (Arbiter, Kyrestia, Winter Queen, Primus and Denathrius) form their own little Pantheon of Death. Given the way the cosmology works, this would make the Titans the Pantheon of Order, and presumably there are Pantheons for the other four cosmic forces as well.

We also know that the Pantheon of Death is on the level of the Titans. Considering that the average full-powered Titan can kill the strongest of Azeroth's Old Gods with the same amount of effort I would use to scrape gum off my shoe, that's not exactly small talk. The only time we fought an actual Titan and not one of their avatars was Argus, the Titan equivalent of a crack baby born eight months early. We had the entire Pantheon backing us up and he still managed to kill us, with the only reason we didn't stay dead being Eonar's magic Christmas tree.

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Despite the fact that the only reason we stood a chance against Argus was because he had almost every handicap possible, Sire Denathrius, a being who is supposedly equal to the Titans themselves, is the end boss of Shadowland's first raid. As Sargeras demonstrated on the Broken Shore, a being on their level can literally kill us with a look, without even being on the same plane of existence! This raises the question as to how someone so powerful could be reduced to the first raid tier. I could take the easy way and say Blizzard was just pulling another N'Zoth on us, but I'll be cautiously optimistic and say that it has something to do with…

THE JAILER————————————————————————————————————————————

And here we have the warden of Ghost-Shawshank. A guy we know almost nothing about, but perhaps that shouldn't be too surprising given we've killed off almost every villain from the RTS era and needed some new blood in the bad guy pool.

Recently, our favourite ripcord-aphobic developer, the great Mr Ion Hazzikostas, gave an interview in which he described the Jailer as "Titan++" in terms of power.

TITAN++!! Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph, we are FUCKED!

Anyway, we've also been told that Mr T. Jailer intends to "claim what was once his", and has the ever-so-friendly alternate title of "The Banished One". On top of all that, he seems to be just as much of a prisoner of the Maw as he is its ruler, assuming all those chains aren't just some edgy fashion statement (though given that this is WoW we're talking about, there's a greater-than 50% chance of them being exactly that).

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So we have a guy stronger than the Titans, who was so bad he had to be locked up in a jail made for the worst souls ever, and who was also in possession of something important enough for him to stage a break out of said jail so he could get it. What could this all mean? Well, before we can get to that, let's take a look at…

THE FIRST ONES—————————————————————————————————————————–

Now, here are the assholes we know the least about. The only things we know about them are that they are godlike, tied in with the Pantheons somehow, and were presumably the original people to have typed "First" in every empty comment section.

IS THIS ACTUALLY GOING SOMEWHERE, OR…———————————————————————————

Alright, alright, sheesh. No appreciation for build-up.

So, let's start with the First Ones. What ARE they exactly?

I think they're the top of the food chain. There's nothing above them. Zilch! Nadda! They're the last stop on the power level train-ride! The ultimate authority and power in the Warcraft universe. I think that there's six of them in total, one for each of the Cosmic forces. I think they created respective Pantheons that would rule over their cosmic force.

And I think the Jailer is the First One of Death. It would explain how he's Titan++ level. That thing he's seeking to reclaim is the Shadowlands, his former domain which was stolen from him when the Pantheon of Death rebelled against him, and used up most of their power to create the Maw and seal him away in there, reducing them from Titan-level strength to a measly raid-tier level threat.

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CONCLUSION (THANK GOD)———————————————————————————————————-

Well, I know that must have been an absolute bitch to read all the way through, but to all the people who managed to make it to the end, I'd like to say thanks for taking time out of your day to listen to my deluded ramblings, and I'd like to hear what your personal crackpot theories are.


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