World of Warcraft (WoW)

The entire house of constructs should be hung for crimes against the art.

Imagine you are a Mogu Fleshshaper. You've spent your whole life learning how to mold life itself to your will, studying both form and function to create works of art that are brutally effective warriors.

You die, and find yourself in Maldraxxus, where warriors fight constantly for glory, and you learn there is even a whole house devoted to fleshcraftsmen such as yourself.

This is what you have been waiting for. Your whole life you mastered you're craft, and now you have the chance to practice it for eternity.

So you go to the House of Constructs, and you're greeted by this atrocity.

And to make matters worse. You are informed that this . . . thing is meant to be a laborer.

It can barely walk. It has one hand. And this is meant to be a worker?

But you are new, and they've been doing this far longer than you, so they must know something you don't. So you swallow your pride and move along, only to be met with this crime against character design

This thing is meant to be a warrior? It's barely standing. You would be surprised if it could even walk, much less run into battle. And they expect this thing to fight?

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You are perplexed, but then someone informs you that this is just a fodder construct. At last it makes sense, surely a true warrior deserves a superior body to the rank and file. It's mildly worrying that the backbone of the army is so poorly constructed, but poorly made soldiers can be excused if the leadership is superior.

Your fellow fleshcrafters nod knowingly and show you the constructs offered to more worthy souls.

They proudly present: This bioengineering nightmare.

This one has to be a joke. Everything is wrong with this design.

First of all, it's legs are pathetical small. What war could possibly be fought slowly enough that they have time to wait for this joke of a warrior to waddle into battle?

As if that wasn't bad enough, it's torso is a bloated bag of fluids that serve no purpose but to make it stink. As if the smell alone will defeat your enemies.

It's arms are impressive, sure, but they end in pathetic stubs with weapons strapped on. What warrior worth praise can only use a single weapon? What general worth obeying can not even point clearly on a map where they intend to lead their troops?

And worst of all, they are covered head to toe in useless spikes. Their placement and size makes them utterly useless as weapons. They limit the creature's mobility (or at least they would if the entire rest of the design wasn't so useless to barely be considered mobile) and they are so inelegantly slapped on that they can't even claim to be decorative.

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You've had enough. It's like no one in this so called house of constructs knows a thing about crafting a warrior. You demand to speak whoever is in charge of this circus of incompetence, and you are lead to this tub of lard and finally it all makes sense.

This must be the Primus's braindead nephew.

Or niece?


Whatever they are, they're grossly incompetent. They are unfit to lead a parade, and the only thing that makes sense is the primus's sister demanded they be given a job, and so an entire house was made to push this failure of a being into a corner where they could be safely forgotten while real professionals worked.

This is your afterlife. Eternal suffering under incompetent management as you work year after year creating miserable puppets for a fool who doesn't know the first thing about proper fleshcraft.

You weep silently for the rest of eternity.


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